Fifi was his less than affectionate nickname for a decrepit, geriatric Standard poodle, much beloved by her elderly owner, and the bane of his existence since coming to San Antonio to set up his practice. Fifi's real name was Lucy, and she had very little fur these days, let alone enough to make any of the typical poodle pom-poms. She did, however, have numerous benign tumors, five teeth, two bad kidneys, and a clear (to Jensen anyway) desire to just get on with the process of dying. Fifi's owner, Mrs. Henderson, however, firmly believed that every day with Fifi was worth it, odd smells and occasional incontinence be damned.

Suffice to say, Fifi's check ups were usually enough to nudge Jensen from a vague discontent with the state of things to ready to chuck it all and run away to Mexico. To make matters worse, it was raining today. Fifi smelled bad enough dry, but wet it was a struggle just keeping a blank face through the examination.

Listening to Fifi's lungs with a stethoscope, he swore he heard the dog give a world weary sigh as Mrs. Henderson told him, "She's really doing great. She seems to like her walks. The other day she even barked at a squirrel just like a puppy."

"Fifteen years young," Jensen said absently. Fifi had cataracts, so there's no way she actually saw a squirrel, but maybe she smelled it. Jensen closed his eyes; he shouldn't have even thought the word 'smell.'

Twenty minutes later, Jensen ushered Mrs. Henderson out the door with the usual platitudes. "Yes, I'm sure Fi-" He caught himself. "Lucy will be around for a long time yet."

"Oh, thank you, Dr. Ackles. I just don't know what I'd do without you." She looked down fondly at her dog, "Time for our mad dash through the rain again. Let's hustle, girl!"

Jensen closed the door after them and watched as they crossed the parking lot at about zero miles per hour.

"You owe me five bucks, Ackles."

Jensen dropped his head down and sighed. He turned around to find Kristen smiling at him and snapping her gum. Her blonde hair was in a tight ponytail, and her scrubs had red kissy lips on them. "I cannot believe Fifi made it another month."

"Jensen, that dog will not die. That dog is going to outlive you, okay? Just accept it."

"No way," Jensen said, shaking his head. "I'm telling you, she'll catch her death in the rain and be dead by morning. I'll give you ten next month if that dog comes in."

"You're like the worst vet ever," Kristen told him, pretending to be shocked. "Betting against a patient's life is totally against the Hippocratic oath."

"Hippocratic oath is for humans. I took the Veterinarian's Oath. Which specifically mentions relieving animal suffering."

She shrugged as if to say same difference.

Jensen dug his fists into the small his back, and stretched. "What's my next appointment?"

"Um," she looked down at her at her computer. "Heathcliff Erickson might have a urinary tract infection. His owner is going to be dropping him off at three."

Jensen frowned, "Heathcliff? Isn't that the jittery one?"

Kristen popped her gum, "Yup."

"Great."

On cue, the bell on the door rang, and Jensen turned expecting Ms. Erickson and her cat carrier. What he found instead was a tall, tall guy with an armful of kittens.

Not a pet carrier of kittens, not a box of kittens, not even a basket. An armful of five small kittens, like he just scooped them up out of a field, or plucked them one by one out of a tree. Now harvested, they seemed to have their own ideas, though. One was crawling up his jacket toward his shoulder, and another must have fallen through the guy's folded arms. The kitten had caught itself on his jeans and was just hanging there, seemingly at a loss of what to do now. The other three were just generally wiggling, and making as much racket as their small voices could possibly make.

Which, okay, that alone would have been enough to give Jensen pause for thought, but the guy was also sopping wet, damp hair curling around his face, shoulders and back of his hoodie darkened, jeans soaked up to the knee. Also, he was kind of stupidly attractive. Not that he looked stupid, not at all. More like he'd struck Jensen stupid just by standing there tall, wet, and handsome. He just didn't look at all like someone that could be real and seemed instead to be some fourteen-year-old girl's (and possibly Jensen's) idea of perfection.

"Um," Kristen said. "Can I help you?"

And then, Jesus, the guy smiled, all dimples and white teeth, and Jensen got even stupider. More stupid. Whichever.

"Yeah, hi. Um, I heard you could drop off rescue animals here? And uh, could someone maybe grab the little guy on my leg? He's kind of uh-" the guy winced. "He's kind of digging in with, you know," he jerked, suddenly, "his claws."

Jensen's stupidity was instantly cured. Because standing there and letting Kristen be the one to grab the kitten off the hot guy's jean-clad thigh would be totally, unforgivably stupid. "Yeah. Yeah, of course," he said, trying to sound friendly, but mostly sounding stilted.

The guy bent his knee up a bit, so that the kitten was a little less vertical and thus a little less in need of his claws. Jensen put one hand around its tiny body, and used the other to gently unhook the kittens paws from the denim. Kristen came into the waiting room and took the one that had made it all the way up to the guy's shoulder.

"Here, follow me," she said, brightly. "We'll put them in the empty kennel."

The three of them, kittens in tow, went into the back of the clinic. A budgie bird waiting to get picked up by its owner heard the kittens' mewling and started squawking along with them.

"Oh hush, you," Kristen said, taking a sheet of newspaper and sliding it under the empty cage. She plopped her kitten, a little gray thing with tabby stripes, inside and Jensen put his, black with white tuxedo marks, in with it and then held the door mostly shut to prevent them getting out while the guy bent down on one knee in front of the cage. He seemed a little unsure of how of how to set them down without just dropping them, and Jensen, without thinking, grabbed the one resting in the crook of the guy's elbow.

He was warm despite the damp jersey hoodie, and when Jensen's fingers brushed the guy's arm, he could tell it was firm. Firm like firm, firm like the guy was built. Jensen prayed to God he didn't blush while he and Kristen got the others in and shut the cage.

The kittens huddled in a corner and started crying loudly for a momma cat that couldn't come for them.

"Poor things," the guy said, trying to poke one large finger through the holes of the cage.

"They're alright. Just put out about being cold, wet, and hungry," Jensen said, looking up from the cage at him. And, okay, he didn't normally notice people's eyes, what was there to notice, really? But, well, this guy's eyes were just noticeable: richly colored, elegantly shaped, and looking at the kittens with sweet, earnest concern.

"I'll go get them a clean towel and mix some formula," Kristen said. Jensen glanced up at her and did not miss the fact that her eyebrows were raised clear into her bangs. Fuck. He was being obvious. He stood up and tried to sound like a professional. "We'll take care of them, Mr. uh-"

"Jared. Just call me Jared," the guy said, standing up. He smiled again and this time the full weight of it was all on Jensen, striking him dumb once more. Jared stuck his hand out and Jensen stopped thinking of how Jared's eyes totally changed shape when he smiled long enough to be civil and shake the guy's hand.

"I'm Jensen," he said, and it came out sort of like he was telling Jared something really important. Only it probably wasn't so important that they know each other's names because he'd likely never see this guy again.

He figured he might try to prolong the moment.

"So um, where did you find them?" Jensen leaned back against a table, trying to seem cool. Casual. He was pretty sure, however, that he was only succeeding in looking vaguely uncomfortable.

"My apartment complex," Jared said, looking back down at the kittens. "The people that own it are kind of dicks about stray cats." He looked up at Jensen and flushed, "Sorry."

It took Jensen a second to realize Jared was apologizing for swearing. He waved his hand dismissively.

"They put a trap out for the mom, but they either didn't know, or didn't care about her kittens. I saw them taking her away in a truck this morning, and I just, you know, I felt so bad! I totally blame Disney for anthropomorphizing everything. Even bugs have a secret life, you know? Makes you feel guilty just stepping on a snail, but jeez, six little kittens, no mom, and it's raining."

"Yeah," Jensen said, mostly thinking that this guy was just deliciously huge, the span of his shoulders alone was making Jensen's mouth water. He blinked. "Six?"

Jared nodded and then, as if thinking, furrowed his brow. "Oh! How could I forget?" He reached into the pocket of his hoodie and produced a small, sleeping ball of black fur. "This one, I think he's like, the runt or something. But he's not very- he seems sick. He's the reason I rushed over here, this place is the closest I knew of."

The kitten didn't even take up the whole of Jared's palm. It was a big palm to be sure, now that Jensen was really looking, but uh, yeah, he should think about that later. He took the kitten into his own hand, and marveled- as he always did -that something so frail and light could be a living thing with a full roster of whisper thin bones and jewel-sized organs. He could just feel its thready heartbeat against his fingertips, but for the most part it was unresponsive and not nearly as warm as a young kitten should feel.

"He's gotten too cold," Jensen said. "Kristen?" he called.

"Yeah?" She was still in the back, fussing with something.

"Can you grab a heating pad while you're at it?"

"Sure thing!"

Jensen rubbed his hand gently over the kitten's back, body heat and friction doing the job until Kristen could come with the pad. "We need to get his body temperature back up."

"Oh gosh, will he be alright?"

"Yeah, I think so. Putting him in your pocket was a good way to start."

Jared grinned at that and Jensen found himself thinking stupid thoughts again. Thirty years old and thinking things like, 'Oh my god, he's smiling at me, I should say something!' like a teenager was really not at all dignified.

Just then Kristen appeared from the back, two feeding bowls of lukewarm kitten formula in her hands, heating pad draped over her arm. Jensen took the pad from her and set the kitten down briefly on the table while he went to go plug it in. He turned it to low and grabbed a towel to use as a blanket. Turning back to the kitten he found it in Jared's hands again, cupped in one palm, while the other imitated the same motions Jensen had just done.

"Here," Jensen said, gently. "Let's get him on this."

Jared nodded and gently handed over the kitten. Jensen got it wrapped and settled on the pad, and Kristen dealt with the others, laughing as she coaxed them to eat out of the bowl, not while standing in it.

"Thank you guys so much for doing this."

"It's not a big deal," Jensen told him. "We'll take them to the Humane Society tomorrow and they'll get them set up with a home. They've got no problem placing kittens as young as these."

"They're so little," Jared sighed. "Not even on solid food."

"Actually they're about seven weeks," Kristen told him.

Jensen nodded, "The formula is just to get something gentle in their stomachs. Tomorrow they'll be eating soft food with gusto, I promise. Kittens bounce back from this sort of stuff all the time, don't worry."

"And this little guy?" Jared asked, setting his palm down on top of the little lump wrapped in the towel. "He'll be all right?"

"Almost definitely."

"I wish I could keep him," Jared said, stroking his finger up from the tip of the kitten's nose to his forehead. "I'm not much of a cat person, but it's like I have all these motherly instincts about him now."

Jensen snorted without really meaning to.

Jared laughed and ducked his head down in embarrassment. "Or you know, fatherly instincts. Manly, protective instincts."

"I'm sure," Jensen said. "So, why not keep him? No pet deposit for your apartment?" If Jared really wanted to keep the kitten, he'd have to come back a few times before it was ready to go home. And if he did that, Jensen could snag him as a client and have someone new to crush on, which would be good because he was so over the UPS guy.

Jared smiled again; it was like it was just always under the surface, waiting to break through. Which was fine. It was an awesome smile. "More like two big dogs that would probably want to play with him a lot more than he would want to play with them."

"Ah," Jensen said. Brilliant. This was why he never dated, because he couldn't flirt worth a damn. What was he supposed to say now? 'So you like animals? Hey, so do I! Want to go to dinner? We can talk about pets… I can try to figure out if you're gay… it'll be great!'

The bell on the door rang again and Jensen could tell from the sound of the heels clicking on the linoleum of the waiting room floor that this time it was definitely Ms. Erickson. Kristen left to go check her in while Jensen stared at Jared like he was the really nice cake his mom had made for her book club, one he wouldn't get even a single slice of.

"Well," Jared said, scratching his fingers into his wet hair. "Uh, jeez, I really don't want to leave just yet, but I've got to uh, I gotta shower and get ready for this thing and-"

"Yeah," Jensen said, going for nonchalant and coming up with bizarrely enthusiastic. "Well, thanks for bringing them in." He went and held the door open, letting Jared into the waiting room. "We'll take good care of them."

"Awesome. It was nice meeting you."

"The pleasure was ours, really," Kristen said, actually winking. How did she do that? It was over the top and cheesy, but also tongue in cheek and playful. Jared didn't seem to mind it at all, just laughed and waved good-bye before jogging out into the rain.

Kristen looked over at Jensen, one eyebrow raised in a clear question and Jensen stared back, daring her to ask.

"Well," Ms. Erickson said, suddenly breaking the silence. "He was certainly a tall drink of water."

"Yeah," Jensen laughed. "He was."

---

"I can't believe you didn't ask him out!"

"Kristen," Jensen moaned. He hoisted his caramel macchiato up for a long, deep sip. He'd already spent last night cataloguing his failures, hence the calorie-laden, sugar-sweet, morning indulgence instead of his usual venti red-eye. Still, even caramel wasn't going to help if Kristen was going to pull a Mama Ackles on him. "Who even does that? Just asks a total stranger out in the middle of a normal conversation?"

"Plenty of people!"

"In bars! At parties. It was three o' clock on a Wednesday in a vet's office that smelled like old, wet dog."

"He was totally into you!" Kristen was sweeping the waiting room up.

"You're making that up." Jensen said, shaking his head. He could be sure of that, as he'd replayed yesterday's events from start to finish in his mind (complete with notes on Jared's wardrobe) about a million times and each time came to same conclusion: the guy was adorable, sexy, and really obviously straight. The shoes alone were a pretty good indicator.

"I am not," Kristen insisted. "He barely even talked to me; he was so busy looking at you."

Jensen didn't know what to say to that, so he settled on another long sip of coffee. It was nothing but the sweet dregs now.

"Jensen, you never date," she told him, putting her hands on her small hips. Her scrubs today were blue with a print of goldfish in a bowl.

He sighed. "Kristen, I love you. You keep this place running despite my complete lack of enthusiasm, but I seriously already have a mom that loves to point out depressing facts like that."

"That's not fair. She's still laboring under the delusion that you haven't met the right girl, she can't give you good advice like I can."

Jensen finished his coffee and threw it in the trash. "It's not a delusion. Technically I haven't. And probably won't ever."

Kristen rolled her eyes, "You're not single because there's anything wrong with you, it's because you never put yourself out there. When's the last time you even went out?"

"Hello, small business owner here? I go out all the time, this place goes even more to hell, you lose your job. You should thank me for my dedication." That was about the same excuse he used on his mother when she asked him that question.

Unfortunately, Kristen also ignored it completely. "You're always just waiting for something to happen. And then, when something actually does 'just happen' and a hot guy with a soft spot for kittens just wanders into this cave of a vet's office and smiles at you, you let him go without asking him out!"

And they were back to square one. "Keep this up and I'm going to sneak horse tranquilizers in your coffee."

"Just promise me the next time you ever meet a guy like that, you grow a set and ask him out."

The doorbell rang and for the second time Jensen turned expecting a middle-aged woman with a house cat only to find Jared. This time Jared was empty-handed, completely dry, and already smiling.

"Hi, again. Uh, I don't know if you guys are open but-"

"Let me guess, you found a litter of puppies in desperate need of rescue?" Jensen was really only half kidding.

Jared laughed and scratched at his hair nervously. Even dry - possibly brushed - it was wild, Jensen noted, all curls and waves and cowlicks. "No, no, nothing like that. I just wanted to stop by before work and see the little guys again. Did you already take them to the Humane Society?"

Jared stood there looking a hopeful and a little uncomfortable during the two second delay while Jensen's brain switched from "minute details of Jared's appearance" to "right, kittens."

"Uh, no, no," he said. "They're still here. Come back and see 'em."

"Is that okay?"

"Sure," Jensen said, when what he really wanted to say was 'I could eat you alive.' God, this guy was cute. "They're right in here."

He opened the door and let Jared through and okay, Jared must be freshly showered or something because he smelled awesome. Really awesome. Again, Jensen didn't generally notice how people smelled unless there was something seriously wrong, like too much cologne, or a really ripe b.o., but Jared smelled like sweet shampoo, clean laundry, and something warm and spicy.

Jensen glanced at Kristin and the look on her face could be summed up in just two words: Do it. Jensen made no promises and followed Jared into the back room.

He found Jared crouched in front of the cage, pinky finger wiggled through one of the holes in the bars. The bravest of the kittens were inching forward to sniff at it before arching their backs in a playful threat, or batting at it with their paws. The runt of the litter was curled up on the blanket in the corner, looking up at Jared sleepily.

"Hey little guy," Jared said.

"Girl, actually."

Jared looked up, "Oh yeah?"

"Mmhmm," Jensen came over and squatted next to Jared. "We checked them out last night and Tiny over there is definitely a girl."

"Tiny?"

Jensen shrugged, "There are two black ones so… one's Blackie and one's Tiny. That one," Jensen said pointing to the one white kitten, "is Whitey, and the gray one with stripes is Stripey, and the gray one without stripes is Smokey, and the long-haired gray is Fluffy."

"Clever," Jared said, dryly.

Jensen laughed, "Yeah, well, it's just temporary. They'll get good names after they're adopted. Kristen is going to be taking them to the Humane Society on her lunch break. "

Jared nodded and peered at the kittens again. "Even Tiny?"

"Yeah, she's fine really. Perked right up once we got her body temperature up and put a little food in her.She's just tuckered out by the whole experience." Jensen snuck a look at Jared's profile and yeah, even his nose was adorable.

"Can I-?" Jared gestured to the cage door and Jensen wasn't about to deny him a thing.

"Yeah, of course," Jensen said as Jared unlatched the cage. "Fair warning though: they're going to make a run for it."

Jared laughed as he opened the door and, just as Jensen predicted, five of the kittens instantly turned into little escape artists. Jensen put his hands out, trying to keep them corralled while Jared reached inside to pick up Tiny. Once she was lifted out (with infinite care, Jensen couldn't help but notice) Jared tried to close the door and in doing so brushed his hand across one of Jensen's, the pads of his fingertips swiping right across Jensen's knuckles.

Sparks, electricity, magic, probably fireworks, and Jensen had to try to keep any of it from registering on his face while he helped Jared with the tricky latch on the cage door. When he was relatively sure that his eyes were just eyes and not little cartoon hearts, he looked back up at Jared and well, fuck. Jared had the little black cat in his palm and was holding her right up to his face. His expression was pretty much exactly the same one Jensen had seen on every single six-year-old kid that ever walked into this place. Jared was petting Tiny's face gently with the tip of his finger. It wasn't long at all before she decided he might be okay after all and started nuzzling into it, grateful for the affection. Jensen was pretty sure it was just all over for him. He was dead.

"I hope they don't have to stay at the shelter for very long," Jared said, rubbing the velveteen cups of Tiny's ears with his thumb and forefinger.

"Yeah," Jensen said, sounding completely airheaded because he wasn't thinking at all about what Jared was saying, just how he was saying it. The way he twisted his mouth around some words was incredible. He realized he was staring. Possibly drooling. He cleared his throat. "Probably not. They're young and sweet and have a clean bill of health."

Jared nodded and looked Tiny right in her green eyes. "You stay awesome, okay? Don't turn into one of those lame, mean cats."

The kitten yawned at Jared's instructions and Jared put her back in the cage, setting her right back down into the blanket.

"I guess should go to work," he said, standing.

It was on the tip of Jensen's tongue to ask, "Where do you work?" but he felt suddenly shy. He'd told himself a hundred times last night that if he ever saw Jared again, he'd make a better impression on him, but now? Now it just seemed like a bad idea. He could put himself out there, sure, but Jared was obviously young, busy, and possibly even a bit innocent. He didn't really need Jensen throwing himself at him on a rushed Thursday morning. He could see Kristen in the background, shuffling papers and giving him pointed looks, but all Jensen could think about was the disappointment of getting shot down.

"Yeah, well, don't want to be late," he said instead.

"I had to cut so many corners this morning." Jared headed towards the door. "Gave the dogs just a five minute walk instead of the full jog, gotta stop on the way to work and get breakfast tacos, but I just had to see him again."

"Her," Jensen corrected, following Jared out into the waiting room.

Jared laughed. "Right." He stood in front of the door for a moment then said, "Well, I-"

"Hey, Jared," Kristen said suddenly. She was leaning out of the appointment window, smiling and showing all her teeth.

"Yeah?"

"You said you had dogs, right?" She looked briefly away from Jared to Jensen and Jensen did everything he could to put the letters 'n' and 'o' on his face.

"Yeah, two," Jared said. "Sadie and Harley."

"And didn't you say this was the closest vet's office to your place?"

"Yeah." Jared nodded absently, not exactly following her line of logic.

"Kristen," Jensen warned. He could see exactly where this was going.

"Well," Kristen said brightly. "Why aren't you bringing them to us?"

"Oh," Jared said. "Well I mean, I just moved into this part of town, and I've been going to Dr. McGehee for years, and, uh-"

Kristen, to her credit, didn't make any arguments, just kept smiling at him with an "aw, come on" expression while Jensen just kept hoping his seven-fifteen appointment, two three-month-old German Shepard puppies, would get here already and make a big enough commotion that they could all just laugh and get on with their lives and pretend that no one had a particular desire to see anyone here again. Nope, not at all. He could totally never see Kristen again and not be bothered.

"You know," Jared said, placing his palm flat on the door and pushing it open just a little. "I'll think about it."

"Please do," Kristen called after him as he left. She had just enough time to give Jensen a smug look before those two puppies finally pulled their owner through the door and started barking.

---

Jensen spent a week or two looking up every time he heard the jingle of the bells on the front door, but it was never Jared. He refused to make it a big deal, and Kristen (for the most part) let it alone, especially when Fifi was scheduled for yet another appointment, giving her something to gloat about.

"It doesn't count," Jensen insisted, "Unless Fifi actually physically makes it across the threshold of the door."

Things were pretty much back to business as usual, when Kristen came into the clinic in a funny mood.

"Oh my God, it's a beautiful day, right?" She was wearing lipstick and scrubs with, no fooling, lollipops and peppermints.

Jensen squinted blearily at the world outside. It was dark. Because it was six in the morning. "Yeah," he said, sipping his venti red-eye even though it hadn't yet cooled off. "Gorgeous."

She chose to ignore his sarcasm and bustled about the waiting room, tidying magazines that were two years old and watering a plant Jensen had always assumed was plastic.

"Who do we have lined up for this morning?"

Kristen's smiled suspiciously big. She flicked her eyes on her desk calendar. "Mrs. Atkinson is dropping her cat off to get spayed at seven, Joe Arenella is bringing in Elmo to get his nails trimmed at seven-thirty, and you've got an eight o' clock appointment with Sadie and Harley Padalecki."

Jensen frowned, the names rang some vague bell. "Sadie and Harley? Have they been here before?"

Kristen shook her head, "First timers. Coming in for heart worm pills, and apparently Harley has 'really, really, really bad breath.'"

Jensen sighed, "Great." He wondered what excuses this Sadie Padalecki would have for feeding her dog Harley table scraps.

Kristen started humming and it sounded vaguely like that oldies song, "Goin' to the Chapel" by the Dixie Cups. Jensen sipped his coffee and prayed she wasn't going through another one of her music-related phases. The last one had been Euro Pop and if he never heard another ABBA song again it would be too soon.

Eight-ten rolled around and Kristen's good mood was a little deflated. Jensen was looking at the pre-surgery bloodwork for the cat he would be spaying and wondering how many times the average vet did that one procedure in his career. Two thousand? Three?

The door jingled and Kristen made that noise that girls make when they're excited to see someone, the high pitched steam whistle cooing sound plus some excited clapping. "You're late!" she chided, like she and Miss Padalecki were old friends.

"Yeah, sorry," came a deep, friendly, and quite obviously male voice. "These guys get kind of stupid excited about car trips."

Jensen looked up from the paper in his hand and yeah, that was Jared. Two honey colored dogs on leads were turning circles around his legs, ears alert, sniffing the ground. Jared looked just as good as Jensen remembered. Actually, possibly better.

Jensen knew he should say something, possibly something funny and flirtatious, but really anything would be better than just standing there, clutching a clipboard, dumb grin on his face. Which was exactly what he did until Kristen swept past him, 'accidentally' bumping his shoulder as she passed.

Jensen shook his head. "Jared, it's uh, it's really nice to see you again. These are Sadie and Harley, huh?" He came into the waiting room and knelt down in front of the dogs. The larger male, Jensen guessed it was Harley, came right up to him, friendly, heavy and wow, it had to be Harley. His breath was so bad it was practically visible with every exhale. Sadie hung back, sitting next to Jared, her back fully pressed against his leg but her expression curious.

"Yeah, these are my big babies."

Jensen put his hand out to Sadie and she sniffed at it easily enough, but when Jensen touched the top of her head she didn't respond, just kept looking up at Jensen with a vaguely worried expression.

Jared laughed and scratched her neck. "Sadie's not the biggest fan of the vet. She was just as wary of Dr. McGehee, I promise."

"Well," Jensen said, standing up again. "Maybe she'll find out she likes some more than others."

Jared smiled, looking down at Sadie again. "Yeah."

Jensen took Harley's lead and motioned for Jared to follow him with Sadie. "Right here," he said, opening the door to the examination room. "Kristen will come in and get their specs for the file in just a sec. I'll be right back."

Jensen ducked out of the doorway and saw Kristen over by her desk, grinning. Jensen pinned her with a serious glare but she refused to look even a little bit guilty. She picked up her clipboard and did her best to look very professional as she made her way towards the back.

"You're going down, I hope you know that," Jensen told her quietly.

"Yeah, whatever," she whispered. "Wipe that gobsmacked look off your face when you say that and I might believe you."

Jensen was going to threaten her quite a bit more but she whipped into the examination room before he could say anything else. She shut the door saying, "Alright, pups, let's see where you're at."

Jensen rubbed a hand over his face and tried to calm down a bit. Yes, Jared had agreed to become a client and yes, thank God, that meant that Jensen would be seeing Jared more, but more probably only meant about four times a year. Also, switching to a closer vet did not necessarily qualify as a declaration of courtship. So, he nodded once to himself, just take it easy.

He had his professional smile on when he came back in the room but it quickly slid into a real one when he found Sadie flat out refusing to get on the scale.

"She's all girl," Jared said, laughing. "Doesn't want anyone to know about her weight."

"Sadie," Kristen wheedled. "I promise we keep the strictest confidentiality."

Jared once again picked Sadie up and set her on the scale and once again she scrabbled backwards and succeeded in getting half off before the number could pop up.

"Here," Jensen said, coming further into the room. "Kristen, take Harley outside and give him a milkbone for that breath. I'm not getting anywhere near his mouth until he does."

"Come on, boy, let's get you a treat, huh?" She took up Harley's lead and he left with barely a backwards glance at Jared.

"Alright, now we'll just let Sadie chill out a bit and then try again."

Jared nodded, got down on one knee next to her and started rubbing her neck. "Silly girl."

For a moment Jensen was at a perfect loss for what he should say. There was a ton of stuff he wanted to say, like "That shirt makes your eyes look green," and "You walking in here today pretty much makes my entire month," but he really didn't want to seem quite that psychotic.

"So um, been busy?" Thirty seconds of awkwardly searching for something to say and that's what he came up with.

"God, yeah. Been working a lot." Jared answered, apparently not noticing the sheer lameness of the question.

"Yeah?" Jensen asked, sounding friendly, interested, and ridiculously overeager. "What is it that you do?" Obviously not a nine-to-five, because it was a Wednesday and going on eight-thirty.

"Well, I work part-time at a bank as a teller," Jared said, shrugging. "But really it's been finishing up my degree that's been taking it out on me."

"What are you going for?"

"Masters in Engineering. I've got a job lined up with Toyota when I'm done."

"Wow," Jensen said dumbly. He wasn't used to feeling intimidated, especially not by people younger than him. He couldn't say that he'd had the most well rounded education, too much science, not enough arts. But eight years in school and a doctorate meant he was usually pretty confident that, even if he wasn't the smartest person in the room, he had some kind of trump card up his sleeve. Engineers, though, they were supposed to be half-genius, and they weren't supposed to look anything like Jared.

Jensen licked his lips. "Let's um, let's see if she'll go for it now. But try and coax her up on it, instead of just setting her down on it."

Jared nodded and Jensen watched as Jared took Sadie's collar and put a little pressure on her neck in the direction of the scale. Sadie was clearly torn between being stubborn and doing what Jared wanted but Jensen was sure eventually Jared would win out. Sure enough, Sadie put a hesitant paw on the scale and when nothing too terrible happened, she let Jared persuade her all the way onto the scale.

The examination went pretty smoothly after that. Harley and Sadie were young and clearly well cared for. Harley fell for Jensen's usual pill-administering fake-outs but Sadie turned out to be much smarter than he initially gave her credit for. He got her to take it eventually, pumping a fist up in the air in triumph, while Jared expressed his approval. Jensen told Kristen to get a copy of their files from Dr. McGehee's office sent here and to set Jared up with bag of specialty food to help Harley's wicked plaque build-up. He stepped outside to wash his hands while Kristen went to ready the bill and tell Jensen's nine o' clock that he would be right with them.

Jared followed him out, both leads in one around one wrist, when a black streak whipped in front of the dogs and set them to barking.

"Hey Jensen? I think you got an escapee."

Jensen craned his neck around from where he was standing at the sink. "What?"

"There's a little- shut up, Harley. There's a little black cat loose and- wait."

Jensen sighed, busted.

Jared had both dogs by the collar now, grip firm on the leather though he was just using his first two fingers to hold back two excited dogs. He crouched down and peered at the cat beneath the hallway table.

"Is that- That's Tiny, isn't it?" He sounded thrilled.

Jensen turned off the water, "Well, uh, technically it's not Tiny anymore."

"Nope," Kristin called from the front. "We re-christened her when Jensen decided to keep her."

"When we decided to keep her. She's like our office mascot. Normally she just stays in my office and breaks stuff, but I guess she got out today."

Jared pulled the dogs back towards the door, and Jensen got down in front of the table. He waved his hand underneath and eventually the ten-week-old kitten forgot she was frightened and pounced right on it. He scooped her up easily with the hand she was so bravely trying to attack and took her back to his office, set her down inside, and shut the door.

"What did you name her?"

"Dinah." He could quite look Jared in the eye. Jared didn't seem to think there was anything out of the ordinary about Jensen adopting Jared's favorite stray kitten, but Jensen thought the implication was sort of embarrassingly plain.

Jared grinned. "Jeez, that's so cool that you adopted her. I can't wait to tell Sandy."

"Sandy?"

Jared nodded, "My girlfriend. She was there when I found them, but she had to stay back and get ready. We were driving out to her parent's place in Canyon Lake that afternoon."

"Oh," Jensen said. He wasn't so shocked that he couldn't keep the smile on his face but he was disappointed enough to admit he didn't really have much more to say on the subject of Jared's happy, heterosexual relationship. "Well, listen, I'm glad you decided to start coming here. Let us know if they need anything, okay?"

"Yeah!" Jared said, heading for Kristen's desk. "And I'm telling you, if this food doesn't work I'm hunting you down. You shouldn't give a man false hope."

"It'll work fine if you just make sure Harley doesn't 'steal,'" and here he used air quotes, "any food off the table anymore."

Jared did his level best to look innocent but really he just sort of looked ridiculous pouting out his lower lip like that. Jensen's gaze dropped down but he caught himself, rolled his neck from side to side, and went out to greet the forceful looking older woman in the waiting room who did not seem happy at all to have been kept waiting.

Jared chatted breezily with Kristen while they waited for his credit card to go through and Jensen took it upon himself to show his next patient and owner into the examination room. When he came back out for Kristen, Jared was gone.

"See?" she said, smiling and slapping his arm with the patient's file. "He came back."

"True."

"And let me guess," she said. "You didn't ask him out again?"

"True."

She made a big show of sighing. "Doesn't matter, though. He'll be back."

"Doesn't matter," Jensen agreed. "He's got a girlfriend."

---

Kristen, bless her, knew when to push Jensen (which was ninety-five percent of the time) and when to let him do whatever he wanted. That night, she pushed him to go out with her after work until he relented. Once in the bar, though, she left him to do what he wanted, which was down too many beers and turn some other guy's straightness into the perfect example of why Jensen's life sucked out loud.

"I can never just want something and get it."

Kristen gave a sympathetic nod and poked at the cocktail in front of her with her straw.

"I decide I want something, and then I just," he sighed. "End up with the next best thing. Try to be a doctor and end up a vet. Aim for the sweet life, the big house, the wife, the kids, and end up gay and single in San Antonio."

"Oh honey," Kristen said, and Jensen cringed. The only kind of pity he liked was self-pity.

"It's not so bad," he said, trying to put Kristen off the scent. "San Antonio is, you know, it's okay. And I don't hate being a vet. And, all right, Jared is straight, but that's not even a big deal anyway, because he was too young and too good for me anyway."

"Oh my God, Jensen," Kristen burst out. "You need to shut up. Too good for you?"

"Well," Jensen said, frowning. Logical arguments weren't really within the realm of his capability right then, but he made a vague gesture that meant something like, 'isn't he?'

"I can't believe it." Kristen shook her head and stabbed at her drink more viciously with the straw. "I can't believe that you, of all people, are doing the low self-esteem thing."

"Me of all people?" Jensen asked. "Wait… does that make sense?"

"Do you even look in the mirror in the morning?"

Jensen rolled his eyes. People, especially women, seemed to view his appearance as some sort of 'get out of jail free' card when it came to life's hardships. "Yes, the hours I spend at the gym and the eighty dollar haircuts clearly prove that I don't care a thing about my looks."

She sighed and finally sipped at her drink. "Well if it's not that, then what? What's got you convinced you're not worth getting exactly what you want?"

He never put it into terms like that, words like worth and deserve. When he thought about why all the things he wanted never came to pass he was sure that it wasn't because he lacked the ability, just the follow-through. The opportunities, though, once missed were gone forever, and that left him here.

"You need to quit with the 'woe is me' routine, I'm telling you." Kristen insisted, all sensible concern and well-meant meddling.

Jensen just drank his beer in answer and no matter how hard she pushed him, he kept doing exactly what he wanted to do, which was ignoring her.

---

Jensen waited secretly (he hoped) for a few weeks for Kristen to announce an appointment with Sadie and Harley but eventually he got over it. He kept staying in and Kristen kept harassing him about it. Fifi kept coming for visits and Jensen's bet with Kristen kept getting higher. Jared sent a Christmas card to the office, one of those photo deals of him, his two dogs, and a dark haired, dimpled beauty Jensen assumed was Sandy.

Kristen offered to cut her face out of the picture and replace it with one of Tom Cruise but Jensen just shook his head, still looking at it. Beneath the stock phrase printed on the card ("Happy Holidays from Jared, Sandy, Sadie, and Harley!") Jared had written, "Thanks! Sadie and Harley totally say hi!" in Sharpie with a little doodle of a dog paw beneath that. They looked like the example photo you saw in front of portrait shops in the mall, sweet and wholesome, riding the line between real people or paid actors. He took a tack out from the bulletin board and put it up with the others, close to (but not intruding upon) Fifi's place of honor in the center.

Then it was New Year's and Kristen took down all the cards and put up fake Valentine's about heartworms and Jensen didn't even go searching for it in the junk filing cabinet drawer she used to hide all the stuff she couldn't bear to throw away. They got drinks but didn't talk about it and he came home to discover that Dinah had managed to bring down the blinds from his bedroom window. Her impish face stared up at him, clearly confused (though not at all bothered) by his frustrated cussing, but Jensen didn't look down at her and immediately think, Jared, sopping wet and holding kittens, so he figured he was probably over it.

---

Kristen did Jensen the small favor of warning him the second time around and told him that morning that Jared would be coming by in the afternoon. Apparently something was up with Harley. He didn't exactly know what he should do to prepare for seeing Jared again, but he kept it in the back of his mind all day. He was pretty sure at some point he'd figure out a way to achieve maximum Zen the very moment Jared Padalecki walked in with his dog. No pangs of regret, no being struck stupid. He'd just say hello, shake Jared's hand, crack a few jokes, and check out what might be wrong with Harley and send him off with a hearty, "Y'all come back now, ya hear?"

Easy.

Eleven minutes after the hour, the doorbell rang and Jensen didn't let himself look up right away. He felt his shoulders tense up, felt his whole body suddenly ping to fact that Jared was somewhere close by.

"Oh Jared," Kristen sighed. "You've finally come back to us."

Jared laughed and Jensen took a deep breath and turned. Jared's hair was longer, Jensen could tell that even though Jared had it tucked under a beanie. Maybe thanks to the winter season, his skin was a little less gold, a little less a perfect match to his tawny colored dogs. The smile, though, was still big and bright and maybe even still a little stupefying.

Jensen was quicker to recover from it than before. "Nice to see you again, Jared. Wish it was for a better reason though."

He could tell right away that something was wrong with Harley from the way he was sitting, not even tugging on the leash or trying to get over to the metal shelving where they displayed the pricey dog foods they sold.

"Yeah," Jared said. "Big dumb idiot had me up the whole night worrying."

"Let's get a look at him right away," Jensen said, gripping his clipboard.

Alone in the examination Jensen suddenly remembered that he and Jared were little more than strangers, that this was only the fourth time Jensen had even spoken to him, and as if on cue, he clammed up. The rote dialogue he'd usually be reciting right about now ("How are you? How's the family? Schnookums still digging up the yard?") was meant to put people at ease, keep them at a distance. But distance wasn't exactly what Jensen wanted between him and Jared.

"So," he said, skipping over all of it and getting right into the nitty-gritty. "What's going on with old boy here?"

"We went on a run yesterday and he seemed fine the whole time. When I went to work and he was still cool, but when I got home that night, he didn't really want to eat, or even get up off the couch. Sometime last night he woke me up by trying to throw up on the floor right in front of my bed. He didn't get anything up though."

Jensen frowned. He got down next to Harley and did some poking. Harley's stomach looked distended and he whimpered when Jensen put any pressure on it. "I'm going to have Kristen take an x-ray."

Harley was pretty unimpressed with the x-ray machine but was also too listless to really put up much of a fight. A few minutes later, Jensen had a diagnosis.

"Missing any bottle caps?" Jensen put the x-ray up on the light board.

Jared blinked at the plastic outline, clear as day. "Oh, Harley."

Harley, upon hearing his name, thumped his tail weakly.

Jensen spread his hands. "Wish I could tell you it was just gas, but-"

"Yeah..." Jared said, sighing. "Well, what now?"

"We're going to have to take that out, which means surgery. It's a really common procedure, actually. Believe it or not Harley isn't the first dog to not get that plastic isn't quite the same as kibble."

Jared nodded, too tense to even give a cursory laugh at the joke. "Yeah, of course. Do you have to do it today?"

"I think that would be for the best, yes. We'll keep him overnight for observation. Luckily we caught this early. It's still in Harley's stomach. If it had made it to the intestines it might have caused some damage, sometimes we even have to remove tissue so damaged it became necrotic, but this?" Jensen made a face and waved his hand. "Not such a big deal. Harley will be back home by tomorrow."

Jared nodded and buried his fingertips into the loose skin around Harley's neck. "How much do you think that would cost?"

Jared asked the question while looking Harley and Jensen didn't wait for him to look up before he answered it.

"It's not exactly cheap, but we'll take it on credit for the time being." Jared looked up and Jensen looked him right in the eye, "It's no big deal. If you want to pay us in five dollar installments, we can do that."

"It's not as bad as all that exactly but um-" Jared flushed. "It won't take me long at all to get the money, I promise, but." Jared pressed his lips together, stopping himself. "Thanks."

Jensen felt a warmth spread up the back of his neck and into his cheeks. He coughed and turned back to the light board. "So, I'll get Kristen to do the blood work and we'll keep him comfortable until later this evening when we can put him under for the surgery."

Jared nodded and looked back down at Harley, apparently missing this as his chance to make an exit.

"Jared," Jensen said gently. "Not to say that I'd mind you sticking around but you really don't have to stay. We'll put Harley up in the back, give him a pain shot after we take his blood. He'll probably sleep the whole afternoon."

"Oh," Jared said. He huffed. "Right." He stood up, but still looked reluctant to leave, shifting back and forth from one foot to the other like he was psyching himself up for something.

Jensen dug his teeth into his cheek but it still wasn't enough to stop him from saying, "You could take him to Dr. McGehee if you're worried."

Jared stopped shifting, looking down at Jensen in surprise. "What?"

"If you wanted to take Harley to Dr. McGehee, I'd understand."

Jared furrowed his brow. "Are you saying you can't do it?"

"No!" Jensen could do it, had done it, done it a few times in fact. "No, it's not that. I just, I know we must seem like sort of a shoestring operation, just me and Kristen, and Dr. McGehee has that big practice. You'd probably feel more comfortable if she did something like this. I completely understand."

Jared looked at him a moment and Jensen waited for him to nod slowly and agree that yeah, that was probably for the best.

Instead Jared shook his head. "Dude. I trust you. You're gonna take care of my dog, right?"

Jared look him in the eye and set a broad, warm hand down on Jensen's shoulder and it wasn't like Jensen hadn't already been planning to do just that, but now, now he'd pretty much do anything Jared asked. "Of course I will."

Jared grinned. "Good. I'm gonna go grab some lunch, I guess. Get some stuff done. Kristen's got my cell number, will you call me when you're done? I want to know right away."

"You'll know the very second I snip the suture," Jensen promised.

Jared's palm was still resting on his shoulder and he lifted it up now to clap it down twice on Jensen's back and give him a friendly nudge before turning to go.

Harley whined, seeing Jared leave, and Jensen kind of knew how he felt.

---

Harley's surgery went off without a hitch and while Jensen didn't call Jared right after he snipped the last suture, he did call him the second he finished washing his hands. He pulled his cell phone from his pocket and dialed the number on the file. He felt strangely giddy, like this was a far more intimate call than just a "Relax, your dog is fine" check-in with a client. Which didn't make any sense because that's exactly what it was, but hey, Jensen had to get his kicks somewhere.

"Hello?" Jared voice over the phone was hushed, like he was worried he might be overheard.

"Jared?"

"Yeah, sorry, I'm at school. I had to sneak out into the hall. Is it already done?"

"Yeah, and Harley's just fine. Not a single problem."

Jared breathed a sigh of relief over the receiver. "Good. I'm really glad to hear that." He sighed again. "Thank you for calling."

"It's no big deal," Jensen said. It wasn't. Just a phone call between doctor and client. The fact that Jensen's smile was about as wide it could go and that his stomach was tight with nerves and excitement was really nothing to pay attention to.

"When can he come home?"

"Three o' clock tomorrow is the earliest I'd feel comfortable allowing. He'd be happier at home with you but I want to make sure the side effects from the anesthesia aren't too bad and keep eye on his stitches. I'll give you all the information about how to take care of him."

"Yeah, okay," Jared said, voice low and quiet, and Jensen did not close his eyes. "Thank you again. Thank you so much, I owe you big."

"It's nothing," Jensen said, warm from head to toe. "Take care, Jared."

"Okay," Jared said, sounding happy and excited and Jensen was sixteen again, pressing the phone to his ear and wanting to crawl through and be with the person on the other end of the line. "You too."

---

Jensen actually smiled all through work the next day, his clients seemed surprised at first, but they warmed to it quickly. He found himself actually enjoying the conversations he had with them. Kristen said nothing about his good mood, though she clearly wanted to. Jensen shrugged it off. He was just looking forward to Jared coming in, to telling him all about what he'd need to do to keep Harley's stitches clean, knowing that Jared would crack up about the plastic cone he was going to have to make Harley wear.

The clock ticked closer and closer to three and even though Jensen knew that Jared would be late coming in, he felt like a spring getting coiled tighter and tighter.

Around four-fifteen the bell at the door rang and Jensen was in the room with a patient. He listened with only half an ear, waiting for Jared's voice, waiting for Kristen to call him.

It wasn't long after that Kristen stuck her head in. "Sorry to interrupt, but Harley is getting picked up now and-"

Jensen popped up out of his chair. "I'll be right back."

He brushed past Kristen before she could say anything more. Outside there was a short, pretty girl in jeans, heels, and an expensive looking sweater. Her hair was dark, straight and smooth, pulled away from her face by big sunglasses and her lips were the perfect shade of dark red. She looked familiar.

"Hi! You must be Dr. Ackles," she said, extending a slim, cool hand out to him.

"Uh, yes," he said, taking it in his own. He glanced towards the waiting room but there was no one there but Mrs. Salazar and her vaguely sausage-shaped boxer, Lula.

"I'm Sandy, Jared's girlfriend. He's at work and he won't be getting off until seven. He asked me to come and pick Harley up, is that okay?"

Jensen looked at her with new eyes. This was Sandy. This was Sandy existing outside of a few offhand comments and one picture. This was Sandy looking him in the eye and waiting for him to say something. He felt something deflate inside him but still he tried to smile. "Yeah, of course. Let me get you the hand-outs you need and tell you about the medication he's going to have to take for a while."

---

Kristen tried to get him to go out with her again but the level of wallowing Jensen had planned for the evening was really not something anyone needed to see.

He microwaved dinner and ate it on the couch, one hand maneuvering the fork, the other keeping Dinah away from his plate. He could make any amount of noise, pick her up and set her down a hundred times but it never clicked; she still went for his food. It was as if the ability to connect one thing to another was almost completely beyond her. So far the only concept she'd figured out was that the sound of can opener equaled food. Jensen was still working on "counter equals no" and "my foot does not equal toy."

He had the television on but it was pretty much just background noise to his careful and thorough examination of why his life was screwed up.

His cell phone rang and Jensen sighed. It would be one of two people: his mother or Kristen. He resolved to find out exactly which overbearing blonde it was and to refuse to answer either. He checked the read out and answered it immediately.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Jensen? It's Jared."

"Is something wrong with Harley?" he asked directly. He'd told Sandy they could call if Harley had any trouble, and while Jared didn't sound panicked Jensen guessed that even in a panic Jared was probably still ten times more good-natured than the average person.

"No!" he said quickly. "No. He's sleeping it off in my bathroom. Sadie's too curious about him, but if I put the cone on him she freaks the hell out. I think the whole thing bothers her more than Harley."

Jensen relaxed. And then tensed again. If Jared wasn't calling about the dog, he was... calling Jensen at home for some reason other than a veterinary emergency.

"I know it's a little much, calling, but I wanted to thank you again," Jared continued.

Jensen sighed and shook his head; all this was just about being polite. Patients sent him thank-you notes sometimes, even tucked a gift card or something inside from time to time. Of course he appreciated them, but in a way he didn't really see the point. "Really, Jared, it's my job. It's no big deal."

"No big deal? Dude, this is my dog. This is my big, dumb boy. He could have died, I totally wikipedia'ed this and freaked myself out. You saved my dog's life, okay? And the least you can let me do is take you to a Spurs game."

"A Spurs game?" That was a bit more over the top than the usual.

"Yup," Jared said, making that one syllable so deep-fried and country Jensen couldn't even attempt to gloss over the good-ol-boy quality of the invite, just two men and a sports game. "Tomorrow night."

Jensen calmed himself down, forced himself to crack a joke. "I saved your dog's life and you're going to torture me with tickets to a Spurs game?"

"Oh God, what are you? A Mavs fan?"

"Damn straight." Which was plenty fair because the Mavs had totally owned the Spurs just two years ago.

"Okay. Lame. Anyway, my parents have season tickets but they've got a dinner party Friday night, so they gave 'em to me and Sandy but Sandy's got a thing and listen, you're just coming with me, okay? That's just final."

For a second, Jensen thought about saying no but he had a healthy streak of masochism and a night out with Jared sounded like a pretty awesome kind of torture.

---

He resolved not to tell Kristen because he knew she'd see right through everything he tried to say about it. He thought of arguments, sure. For one thing, this was a basketball game, not an intimate dinner. Kristen probably wouldn't get what that would mean but to Jensen that meant he was going to be spending a lot of time just watching the game. He and Jared would sit side by side and stare straight ahead and from time to time one of them might decide to make an offhand comment about something to the other over the noise of the crowd. And that would be cool, that was pretty typical of how straight guys hung out, in the same place, yes, but not necessarily engaged with each other.

Fair enough, Kristen might say. Jared won't be paying attention to you but you'll be paying attention to him the whole night and you shouldn't be doing that to yourself. Fair enough, Jensen would say, but he was going to do that to himself anyway.

So yeah, he just wasn't going to tell her.

He let Kristen do all of the talking while they opened the store, and as usual, she had plenty to say.

"I just don't get it!" She'd been going on for fifteen minutes about the latest guy that really wasn't worth wasting this much mental energy on, but dating losers was Kristen's main hobby. "I didn’t ask him out, I didn't call him, he calls me, and when he calls he says he wants to hang out again, but he won't make a plan, or stick to one. If he wants to blow me off, he can, I'm not pushing him, and if he wants to hang out, God, it's not like I have that much else to do, but no… he just wants to talk."

"Mm," Jensen said when she paused long enough to make it clear some sort of response was expected.

Kristen probably glared at him, but Jensen just pretended to be really into his coffee. When Kristen unlocked the front door he asked, "Who's first up today?"

Kristen huffed very extravagantly and checked the appointments. "Fluffy's got fin rot."

"What's Fluffy doing with fins to begin with?"

"Fluffy the Goldfish," Kristen clarified.

"Ah. Cute." He tried to think of something more to say but his mind was in another place, twelve hours ahead.

"Okay, seriously, is it going to be pointless talking to you all day or should I just wait until after lunch?"

He thought to himself, loud and clear, "don't tell her," but he opened his mouth and out it came. "I'm going out with Jared tonight."

Kristen stared at him like she didn't quite understand what he said. Maybe he'd said it too fast.

"To the Spurs game. He's taking me to the Spurs game."

Kristen opened her mouth and inhaled a breath but whatever she was going to say seemed to get stuck.

"He wanted to thank me for Harley."

And there, that was the final clue to the puzzle she needed. He could see her winding up, the gears turning, the pistons pumping. "Jensen-" and the way she said his name told him it was going to be a hell of a lecture.

In walked a short, dark-haired woman, baby in one hand, a small, lidded fishbowl in the other. Jensen and Kristen both turned their heads to look at her and she, sensing she had interrupted something, awkwardly hefted the fishbowl, as if to say she had a good reason for doing so.

"Mrs. Cruz," Kristen said. "Let me take that for you." The older woman gratefully handed Fluffy over and shifted her baby to the other arm.

"Nice to see you again, Mrs. Cruz," Jensen said, overly polite. He turned to Kristen, "Can you show her to the examination room, please?"

"Of course," Kristen said primly. She opened the door for Mrs. Cruz to step through, making a face at him the moment the other woman's back was turned.

---

The day sort of went downhill from there. A cat with feline leukemia came in, bleeding from the gums, and Jensen had to tell the owner that there was nothing to be done except put it down. He could tell it wounded the owner's dignity greatly to cry so hard at the news. Jensen had to wait for a few long minutes, completely silent, and out of her eye line until she'd pulled herself together enough to acknowledge him again. That was plenty bad enough. Plenty. Then a woman with a witch's nest of gray hair came in with an injured squirrel she'd found in the road. Jensen knew she was trying to do a good thing but he still sort of hated her for bringing it in and making him put down two animals in one day.

It was clearly killing Kristen to have to respect his bad mood and not mention anything about the conversation they didn't quite have that morning, so Jensen kept himself as busy as humanly possible just to be sure.

When he got home Dinah was frantic, not at all impressed that now that she was big enough to stay in the house by herself all day she was expected to go eight or nine hours without eating. He measured her food, cleaned the litterbox, washed his dishes from breakfast, and made himself a bowl of soup. When he couldn't think of anything else that really had to be done he collapsed onto the couch and felt his back start haranguing him with the list of grievances it had accrued since the morning. Chief among them were "stop slouching" and "get better shoes."

He had worked himself to about ninety-nine percent sure he was going to tell Jared that he just couldn't do it tonight when his phone rang.

"Hello?" He tried to play up the fatigue in his voice.

Jared voice came over the line. "Hey! Dude, you sound awful."

"Yeah, it was a shitty day," Jensen said. He was hoping Jared would do it for him, suggest rain-checking it. Then maybe Jared would mean to call back but never would and Jensen could get over him all over again and the third time would be the charm.

Jared steamrolled right over that idea. "Guess I'll have to buy you a beer tonight."

"I dunno man, a beer might put me on the floor." Dinah was finished with eating and leapt onto the couch so that she could sit against him and wash herself. She was still young and the languid grace so characteristic of cats was a bit beyond her. She looked like a complete spaz licking her toes, off-balance and the quick, shaky jerks of her head.

"Redbull and vodka?" Jared offered.

"Dude, that shit's so bad for you." Dinah fell over trying to lick her shoulder; she sat up again and shook her head. Jensen scratched his fingertips down her back.

"Fun though," Jared said. "Anyway, I'm picking you up in like forty-five minutes, I need directions."

Jensen chewed his lip, took in the breath to say no, and breathed it out. "You got a pen?"

"Yup."

Jensen told him how to get there and peeled himself off the couch. He stood under the spray in the shower and tried to decide if the flickers in his stomach were sparks of excitement or nerves. He allowed himself only a minimum of fussing about his clothes and right around when Jared was ten minutes late he decided that it was nerves twisting his stomach up, around, and over. Really, really bad nerves. A quiet night at home seemed like a really, really good idea. Why hadn't he insisted?

His phone rang.

It was Jared, voice on the line with music in the background. "I'm downstairs."

He walked down the steps of his apartment to discover that Jared, the bastard, drove a black Dodge pick-up with a fat set of new tires.

"This is why you wanted to drive, isn't it?" Jensen asked, opening the door. "You didn't want to be seen in a Honda Civic when you had this to tool around in."

Jared laughed around a mouthful of what looked like gummi bears. It should have been gross and it was, but also kind of adorable. Especially when Jared offered him some. "Hey, this is all my parents, man. This is my birthday, Christmas, Graduation, and 'congratulations on landing the job' gift. Actually, I don't think I get another present from them until 2010."

Jensen slid into the butter-soft, two-toned, slate leather seat and shut the door. The car smelled new and felt fresh.

"Heck," Jared said, throwing it into gear. "Had to land the job just to afford the gas for it."

On the way, they talked about cars and trucks they'd owned, had seen, had wanted, would buy if they won the lottery, and wouldn't be caught dead in the entire drive over to the arena. It was surprisingly easy, Jensen even forgot about his nerves until he found himself mashed against Jared at the concession stand, completely surrounded San Antonio's hoi polloi. He tried to make a sort of, "whoops, can't help it, the family of four behind me is really not respecting my personal space" face, but he must have only managed a panicked smile, because Jared laughed at him and swung one long arm up and over Jensen's shoulder.

"Don't like crowds?" Jared asked, sounding amused but distracted as he stared up at the list of beers and prices.

Jensen nodded his head numbly. Jared's arm around his shoulder was casual, loose and no more intimate than if they were well into their cups at a bar and wanted to sing along to Sublime into each other's faces. Jensen had learned to discern the difference between frat guy bonding and anything more, but that didn't change the fact that he was tucked into Jared's side and that Jared's whole, huge body suddenly became a haven from the family of four, the two mustachioed men reeking of cigarettes beside him, and the girls teetering on their ill-advised heels in front of them.

He kept his face down, hoping to hide the color in his cheeks and when Jared asked what he wanted he just mumbled his default beer. "A Dos."

Jared ordered four, gave two to Jensen, and, with a beer in each hand they freed themselves from the line, Jensen following easily behind in the swath Jared cut through the crowd. They stopped at a tall bar table for a place to rest their second beer while they downed the first before finding their seats in the stadium. Jensen drank deeply to give Jared an excuse to be the first to say something.

Jared picked at the label on his bottle. "So. Being a vet seems like fun."

Jensen knew he should say something non-committal and polite to fill up the dead air between them until they took their seats and lost each other to the game, but he was tired, and his mind was still reeling from the smell of Jared's cologne or body wash or shampoo or whatever it was that made him smell like spice and candy and clean skin. He just didn't have small talk in him. "Yeah, fun isn't exactly the word."

"No?" Jared cocked his head at Jensen.

"Well. Is being an engineer fun?"

Jared sat back and took a drink while he thought. "No. Not really."

"There you go. It's a job. It has its good points and its bad points."

Jared pursed his lips and nodded. He went back to fiddling with his beer, peeling off the top sticker with its red and gold x's. "And here I thought you being a vet was the fulfillment of a childhood dream."

Jensen shook his head, "My childhood dream was to be Troy Aikman. Or Nolan Ryan."

Jared laughed, "God, Troy Aikman. He gave a talk at my high school once and he just seemed so… pleasantly dumb."

"Dude, is it any wonder with the way he used to creamed out on the field? Guy took more hits than Mohammad Ali." He sipped his beer, "Anyway, that childhood dream sort of morphed into wanting to do sports medicine which morphed in Veterinary Science and yeah, here I am." He tried to sound happy about it, but he could sense Jared's discomfort with Jared's blunt discontent. Jensen cleared his throat, "What about you, how did you come to engineering?"

Jared shook his head. "You don't come to engineering really, it just sort of owns you. My freshman year of college I decided I'd try it but you're so busy and all your classes are so obscure that the only people you talk to are other engineering students. You just don't get the chance to think, 'Hey what about Anthropology?' And then by the time you're a junior you've put in so much work that just thinking about switching majors is depressing. So I got the degree but to really do something with it, I needed a Masters, so... here I am."

"I've always envied that," Jensen couldn't help but admit. He'd always admired people that went to college with some sensible goal in mind and then just worked at it until the got it, no waffling, no navel-gazing. He told Jared so.

Jared ducked his head shyly. "I don't really know about that, I mean it'd be one thing if it was all my idea but my family." He shrugged. "They had high hopes, you know? My older brother, he's always been bigger and better-"

"Bigger?" Jensen asked, startled.

Jared laughed. "Oh yeah. And he was in med school when I went to college and now he's getting married and he's a doctor. It was like from high school on he just did everything he was supposed to do, so if I didn't, my parents just did not understand why."

Jensen couldn't really comprehend that somewhere there was a taller, more focused, more successful version of Jared. Jared had pretty much become Jensen's version of perfection and anything better than that was too perfect, perfect to the point of annoying. And so, not perfect. "Ah, now I see. You come from one of those families?"

Jared cocked his head back, a fake challenge in the glare he leveled at Jensen for the crack at his family. "And what does that mean?"

"Everyone's attractive and smart and driven and then you get married to other attractive, smart, driven people and populate the world with your unfairly gifted spawn."

Jared laughed and gestured at Jensen with his beer. "Oh and your family is, what? White trash?"

Jensen tipped his head side to side, allowing that Jared had a point. His family was successful and good-looking and generally very happy to procreate. "What can I say, I'm the black sheep of the family."

"You're the black sheep?" Jared raised an incredulous eyebrow at him.

He shrugged, "They're an impressive bunch. Anyway, it means I totally get to make fun of you of being part of the Beaver Cleaver set."

"Hey, I had my moments!" Jared said defensively. "I ran away to Hollywood when I was eighteen, tried acting."

"Really?" He couldn't see it, Jared tanned and waxed and sleeping with starlets, or attending free acting seminars between his eleven a.m yoga class and his three p.m. spin class and waiting tables at night.

"Yeah, I won some silly contest, got a manager, went on auditions, the whole thing. Just for a year and a half or so."

He imagined Jared, sticking out like a sore thumb in California because of everything from his height to his goofy laughter to his breezy lack of self-consciousness. "Ever do anything I might have seen?"

Jared shook his head. "Not unless you're secretly a fourteen year old girl."

Jensen shrugged. "It's a possibility." He looked away from Jared and out at the crowd. In just one sweep he saw four different women looking over hopefully, looking at him and looking at Jared. He bet Jared could have made it if he'd tried. "Why'd you come back here?"

"I dunno, it wasn't-" Jared pursed his lips. "I was away from my whole family and the money wasn't very good and I had this full ride to UT and…" he shrugged. "It wasn't really my thing."

A cheer went up from inside the venue, the loudest so far. Jensen could hear the announcer warming up the crowd. "Come on," he took up his second beer, and pushed the lime down into the neck of the bottle, "Let's get our seats."

He followed Jared down into the arena, listening as the players on the visiting team were called out over the sound system. "Who the fuck are the Bobcats?"

Jared laughed, taking his seat and gesturing to the one beside him. "Why do you think my parents gave away the tickets? This is gonna be a walk in the park."

Which is exactly what it was, a straightforward game, no drama, no suspense. They watched the court with one eye and spent a lot of time actually talking. The Spurs won by double digits, but Jensen hardly noticed.

---

In the darkness of the Jared's truck, white noise of the highway beneath the tires, all of the adrenaline brought on by the bright lights and happy crowd drained right out of Jensen and he practically fell asleep on the drive back. Jared's truck came to a stop and he knew he should just hop out, but the thought of climbing the steps up to his place just exhausted him. He sighed and gripped the door handle.

"You're wiped," Jared teased.

"Yeah, six o' clock is going to suck so hard tomorrow." Jensen rubbed a palm over his face and looked over at Jared.

"This was fun, though," Jared said, half-smile curling his lips.

"Yeah." It was fun and the whole bad day that came before it felt miles away. He felt like he could sleep forever, only trouble was he didn't want to sleep alone. He didn't want to get out of the truck, didn't want Jared to go.

"So we'll do it again," Jared told him. "Probably not quite this all out, though. Just a bar or something."

He was in so much fucking trouble, Jensen knew that right away. The outright delight at the promise of it tempered by the niggling doubt it might not come to pass, was exactly the way he felt at the end of every first date with someone that ended up breaking his heart.

"Sounds good." Jensen finally opened the door. "I'm gonna go crash. Go home and take care of Harley."

"It's cool. Sandy's been home for hours now, I bet," Jared said. Jensen nodded, trying to look more tired than sad. "Good night."

"Yeah," Jensen said. "Drive safe."

He shut the door and turned to walk up the steps. He heard the smooth rumble of Jared's truck behind him as he walked up the three flights to his apartment. It wasn't until he stuck the key into the lock that he heard it pull away.

---

Kristen could not have jumped on him any harder than if she'd actually leapt across her appointment window and landed on him from above.

"Tell. Me. Everything," she insisted. Her scrubs had pineapples on them. He'd been expecting something a little more disapproving, like the ones with some pretty severe looking owls.

"We went to the game. We watched the game. Then we went home." There was plenty Jensen could say, but not much that he actually would.

"Oh hell no," Kristen said. "You don't get away with that. You're head-over-heels for this guy, and-"

He winced to hear her say that, it was far too matter-of-fact. "I'm not head-over-heels. It's a crush. Happens all the time. I get over it."

Kristen arched her eyebrows in blatant skepticism.

"I do. Trust me. Talk to me about all the guys from college I'm still friends with."

"So you're just resigning yourself to unrequited love?"

He looked back down at his paperwork. "It's a symptom of never meeting any eligible men."

"Maybe you should be out looking for some eligible men instead of mooning after ones you can't have." Kristen obviously thought this very wise piece advice might be something he'd never heard before.

She was wrong. "I'm going to just fire you and hire my mother and save myself the grief of hearing this twice."

"Oh, whatever," she said, glaring at him. "Next time you can't remember someone's name I'm sending you up the creek."

Jensen rolled his eyes. "Uh-huh. Who's my eight o' clock?"

Kristen threw her hands up. She turned on her heel and as she walked to the front she called over her shoulder, "Fifi."

---

Harley and Jared came in to get the stitches removed and to do a general post-surgery once over. Kristen wasn't exactly on her best behavior but she wasn't so blatant that Jensen worried she might say something while his back was turned.

And Jared, pleased that his dog had a clean bill of health again, invited him out drinking. "It'll be awesome," he promised.

What could be so awe-inspiring about a bunch of twenty-somethings (with a thirty year old in their midst) drinking on a Saturday night, Jensen didn't know, but he guessed he would find out because he blurted out, "yeah, cool," before Kristen could wander in and start meddling.

He met Jared at the bar this time, met his friends, a mix of the smart but socially awkward, and the social butterflies without a thought in their heads. They drank Mexican beer at the cash-only bar. There was a guitarist playing and some of them got into his music but Jensen didn't pay him any mind. He'd heard better. He moved outside with Jared and some of his friends, breathing in deep the smell of crisp, cool air promising that there would be rain early tomorrow morning. The oak tree branches spread out above them, lit up with rusted tin lamps, with leaves lime green from new growth. It was Jensen's favorite time of the year in Texas, the blink-and-you'll-miss-it Spring, and he hadn't noticed it until tonight.

He stuck close to Jared, quiet in front of strangers, but smiling every time Jared turned his head to say something just to him. One by one the friends started leaving and there were many times that Jensen could have stretched tiredly and begged off, could have pointed out he'd been up since five, but Jensen wouldn't leave until Jared did.

Time ticked by and the mood of the bar became split down the middle, with all the loud drunks and rabble-rousers pressed up against the bar. But once you got away from the girl dispensing cold beer and warm tequila shots behind the counter, the conversations got quiet, more intimate. Another of Jared's friends begged off, leaving only a hipster couple Jared knew inside, listening to the music. Jensen went in to get drinks and saw them swaying together in front of the stage, relaxed and singing to each other.

When he came outside, Jared was lost in thought, toeing the mix of gravel and bottle caps on the ground.

"You sure you want to stay for another round?" Jensen asked. Maybe Jared felt he had to stay out as long as Jensen did and they were playing some sort of hanging-out version of chicken to see who would finally own up to being tired.

Jared looked up and smiled. "Absolutely sure. It's a nice night."

Jensen set down the green bottle in front of Jared and sat down across from him. He was about to say something when a girl passed by, walking slow, and looked right at them. Jensen glanced over and she caught his eyes. She wasn't subtle at all with her interest and Jensen dropped his gaze quickly. She kept walking into the bar but Jensen had a feeling she might try coming over.

When he looked up again, Jared was smiling. "She's been watching you all night, actually. I kept seeing her over your shoulder."

Jensen cleared his throat and shrugged. "I'm not really interested."

"Seeing someone?" It was an innocent question and Jared asked it the same way he'd asked what position Jensen played in his college baseball team, whether he'd ever been to Mexico, or if he thought Batman was better than Superman. Still, it made Jensen's stomach dip.

"No, not really. I just-" He sighed. "Listen, I probably should have found a graceful way to insert this into an earlier conversation, but I'm gay."

Jared had his beer halfway to his lips and he stopped, staring at Jensen. He laughed quietly to himself and took a sip. "That's not a very graceful way to insert it into a conversation, no."

"It's not an easy thing to say." Jensen's stomach was in knots. He didn't think he'd be finishing this beer.

"Hey man," Jared said. "It's totally cool. A lot of my good friends are gay."

Jensen, who had in fact just met some of Jared's good friends, couldn't help but pick apart the cliché. "Really? How many?"

"What?" Jared seemed surprised to be questioned further.

"How many? There's sort of a ranking system." Jared laughed, but Jensen pressed on. "If only one of your friends is gay, then you're really only just above a Jerry Falwell. But if like, five of your friends are gay, you're getting into pretty decent territory. Any more than ten, though, I may as well be hanging out with Judy Garland."

Jared shook his head incredulously and took a moment to tally. "How bad is three?"

"Depends," Jensen mused. "Are two of them already in a relationship?"

"No."

Jensen narrowed his eyes. "How many of them are you related to?"

Jared seemed sheepish. "One. I have a gay uncle."

"Psh," Jensen said unimpressed. "Everybody has a gay uncle."

"Do I get any extra points for buying an Indigo Girls CD when I was in high school?" Jared asked.

Jensen started laughing just as the girl came out of the bar. He didn't mean to do it but he could see it just punched right through her resolve. She went on to her friends at the table behind them.

Jensen looked back at Jared. "I guess I can still hang out with you."

They stayed there talking until last call, said their goodbyes in the parking lot, drove opposite directions home. Jensen turned on the radio to help keep him awake on the way but the first love song that came on made him snap it right off again.

---

Jensen was officially considered one of Jared's friends after that, which was both awesome and pathetic. Awesome, because that brought the grand total of people Jensen saw outside of work up to five. Jared took hanging out very seriously and Jensen found himself leaving his apartment more than he had in a year. On Sundays when he finished studying early, Jared liked to call him to come over for pizza and Grand Theft Auto. Other nights they went out and watched the Spurs play in a variety of dingy neighborhood bars and sometimes they went to see the big, mindless Blockbuster movies that Sandy refused to go to with Jared. Jensen didn't really enjoy movies where the plot was formed around a maximum amount of explosions and sassy dialogue, but he liked the feeling of sitting next to Jared in the dark.

Which was where the pathetic part of it came into play.

It was bad enough that at every opportunity he was imagining what it might be like to be with Jared, but to actively pretend sometimes was just lame. Kristen said so and Jensen did not disagree, but it was like an addiction. He and Jared would talk, aimlessly and easily, and Jensen would feel the stress of the day, the disappointment in his life slide away, down off his shoulders, lift up at last from his gut. He became fluent in the language of Jared's smiles, knew them all down to the subtle differences between wry and bashful, between feigned and just plain tired.

There was the other stuff too. Jared was a tactile person, Jensen saw him do it to everybody. There were guys like that, who could wander into anyone's personal space and touch their faces and never get rebuffed. Jared was obviously one of those guys and drunk he was that guy times ten. Just playing video games, Jared leaned and sprawled, punched and cajoled with Jensen on the couch. He wrestled with the dogs and sometimes insisted Jensen join. When drunk, Jared invaded Jensen's space constantly, stood too close at the bar, slung an arm around Jensen's neck, and started sentences with "This guy right here…" It didn't mean anything, Jensen had seen Jared pick up a guy friend, sling him over his shoulder, and take off with him down a field. It was just what Jared did.

He plucked an eyelash, once, from Jensen's face. Jensen's knees had gone weak and he was reminded again of just how very fucked he was. He'd laughed it off though, made fun of Jared for it.

"Whatever," Jared had said, refusing to be embarrassed. "Make a fucking wish."

Jensen had blown the lash off Jared's finger, but he did not make a wish.

They got to know each other. Jared had an uncanny ability to get Jensen to admit to things he didn't usually bother telling people. Whereas ninety-five percent of people got Jensen's usual, "oh yeah, my family's great" evasion, Jensen confessed to Jared over burgers that not coming out to them meant his relationship with his parents had grown distant.

"Why not tell them?" Jared had asked, picking over his fries.

Jensen had shrugged and finally managed to avoid telling the whole truth. Instead of, "because I'm scared," he had said, "well, I haven't really been with someone that was worth telling them about."

Jared had offered to set him up with his gay uncle.

As hard as it had been in the beginning, talking to Jared became easy. So easy that Jensen would find himself halfway through an epic rant about why San Antonio was the lamest big city in Texas, why his practice was in possibly the ugliest office space known to man, why it sucked that he never got to travel. He would always stop himself, embarrassed to have gotten worked up, but Jared would only smile at him and point out something sensible. Like the fact that at least Jensen wasn't living in El Paso or that there was no reason he couldn't take a vacation and go somewhere.

Mostly, he got to know Jared. Jared was an open book and Jensen read him constantly. His mind became a catalog of trivia about Jared, no detail too small, anything from how he liked white chocolate better than dark, and milk chocolate the least, to how he liked to play Chess, to how he was so tone deaf that it might actually qualify as a disability. He knew all Jared's superstitions, some obvious (like kissing his finger and touching the ceiling when he went through a light) and less obvious (like holding his breath when they passed a cemetery). Jared told him a hundred stories, vacations he'd gone on, people he'd met, shenanigans he'd gotten up to in high school and Jensen remembered them all. Going through his day, there were a hundred things that reminded him of something he knew about Jared. Jared went to that school, listened to that band, hated it when people did that. He caught himself saying so, sometimes. Kristen would look at him knowingly and afterwards he would try especially hard to keep Jared out of his thoughts.

He got to know Jared and he got to know Sandy a little. After all, there were only so many ways he could try to very discretely figure out if Sandy was in on the plans Jared invited him to. Sometimes he went to Jared's apartment and Sandy was gone, visiting her parents who had moved from California to retire here in Texas, or out with girlfriends. Sometimes he went over and she was there, working on a dissertation, getting a presentation ready for the schizophrenia research project she was a part of. She always kissed Jared goodbye if she left the house, or went home from the bar early. Jared had to bend his whole body down to her when she did and after they kissed, they kept their faces close for a second just to smile at each other. Jensen watched them out of the corner if his eye, wanting so hard it made him sick to his stomach.

She was sometimes funny and always polite. She never looked anything less than pretty and sweet, no matter how late or early it was in the day. Her apparent flawlessness never annoyed him. It always made perfect sense when Jared mentioned she liked to cook, or that the thick novels lying around the house were hers. For the most part, Jensen avoided forming any opinion on her at all. He didn't dislike her, but they had nothing in common except Jared, and if he never said much, it seemed to suit her just fine.

Kristen was shaking her head sadly at him so often these days that Jensen worried she'd pull a muscle.

---

Jared disappeared in the last weeks of April. He sent Jensen text messages sometimes, along the lines of "Holy fuck, I hate studying" but Jensen's replies usually went unanswered.

At the beginning of May, Sandy came in with the dogs to get their heartworm pills. She could barely get Sadie into the office and the scale was just not happening. Jensen made sure not to look at Kristen the entire time Sandy was there.

"I've spent years trying to get that dog to be more comfortable around me," she told him, brushing the hair Sadie was shedding in clumps off of her slacks.

"She's bonded pretty tight to Jared." He hadn't known Sadie could be this neurotic, having only seen her with Jared. He'd thought they were getting along pretty good, but without Jared in the room to reassure her, Jensen was no better than a stranger.

"She probably misses him, Jared's burning the candle at both ends right now. Between work and getting ready for graduation, I barely see him."

"You don't have to explain anything to me," Jensen shrugged. "I had friends that disappeared for six years with med school and residencies. It's cool."

"He'll be having a party to celebrate, though, I know he'll give you a call."

Jensen smiled and he was sure it looked terrible, tight and insincere. "Yeah, sure."

Jared did call though, two weeks later. He didn't even say hello back to Jensen, just, "Friday night, man."

"Friday night? I dunno," Jensen said, just to fuck with him. "I work on Saturdays, you know?"

Jared didn't even pretend to be concerned. "If you think that was an excuse you're sorely mistaken. Friday night, the bar downtown."

Jensen bit his lip. "Yeah, okay. Fine."

"Good." Jensen could practically hear his smile over the phone.

---

It was hotter than the last time they were there, March's mildness given way to the ominous heat of May, and the bar was more crowded. Jensen got there before Jared, but some of Jared's friends were already waiting and they welcomed him back.

Jensen bought his first beer and pressed it to his temple, cool glass and condensation against his hot face.

Jared's friend Sarah fanned herself with a flyer advertising some upcoming shows. "I wonder if they'll announce it tonight."

"Announce what?" Jensen asked.

"The engagement. I always said that once he was done with school he'd finally do it."

Jensen sipped his beer and decided he'd make it an early night. See Jared, see Sandy, see Jared announce he was marrying Sandy, go home and possibly fall asleep clutching a pillow or a bottle, he didn't know which.

Jared arrived to raucous cheering and about three different people calling him a son of a bitch. He made his way through the crowd, smiling and hugging and slapping people on the back and Sandy was beside him. Jensen forced himself to stay on his barstool and wait. When Jared finally found him, he was brought up and out of his seat with the force of Jared's hug. Jared's t-shirt was already damp, his body heat burning right through it and Jensen's own.

"It's good to see you, man," Jared said, pulling back.

Jensen didn't think he managed much of a response back.

More and more people showed up as the night progressed. Jensen finally met Jeff, Jared's older brother, but his younger sister wasn't able to come because she was underage. Friends from back in high school showed, a whole car-full of people Jared knew at UT came down from Austin, two or three co-workers made an appearance but mostly kept to themselves. Jensen could hardly believe that Jared knew so many people.

If Jared had drank half of the shots bought for him, he'd have died of alcohol poisoning before midnight and as it was, he still did a fair job of getting there. The party moved outside but even with the night breeze, Jared's hair was wet with perspiration. A few times Jensen thought Jared might be gearing up for it, the big announcement, but people started leaving and still Jared didn't say anything.

Sandy didn't look unhappy exactly but Jensen saw her watching Jared more than she talked to him. Around one a.m. Jensen stopped seeing her around and he guessed she went home. He hadn't seen them kiss goodbye. Jared was clearly six sheets to the wind and gunning on a seventh, but Jensen had achieved nothing more than a faint buzz the entire night, not knowing when he'd want to leave. There were fewer and fewer people between him and Jared, and Jensen worked his way up next to him.

"Jensen," Jared said happily. He grabbed Jensen's forearm to drag Jensen right up against him. "Man, I'm so glad you came."

"Me too, man."

"Awesome." Jared leaned forward and knocked their foreheads together, not at all gently, and apparently he was drunk enough to find that just plain funny.

Jensen, on the other hand, sucked a breath in and saw stars. "Dude."

"I'm sorry," Jared said, face painted with a childlike concern. He reached up a hand towards Jensen's face and Jensen didn't have time to move away.

"Jared," someone shouted, distracting him. A stocky guy in a backwards baseball cap, every inch of him as country as could be, from his dirty blonde hair to his dusty work boots came up to them. "You're still not on the floor, man!"

"I'm sorry," Jared said again, possibly even more upset.

"This is just not acceptable, I'm getting you another fucking shot."

"Okay!"

The guy disappeared and Jared looked back at Jensen, swayed into him.

"You want to throw up tonight?" Jensen asked. If Jared did he wasn't gonna try to stop him, but he thought it might be a good idea to make sure before Jared had to fold his big body over a toilet in a tiny stall.

Jared scrunched his face. "No..."

"Cause if you have that shot you're going to throw up, aren't you?"

Jared tapped his finger to his chin in an exaggerated show of deliberation. "Almost definitely."

Jensen rolled his eyes. "Here, let's get you some water."

"Water? Jensen, it's my Graduation party."

For all that Jared seem appalled at the idea, he followed Jensen easily when he pulled him away from the bar. "Bet you threw up at the last two, didn't you?"

"Yeah," Jared admitted breezily.

Jensen pulled Jared into the bathroom and set Jared against the sink. He wet paper towels and pressed them to Jared's forehead. Jared closed his eyes and sagged his body all the way until his back was touching the mirror. "That feels good."

"Yeah, I bet it does." The bathroom was hot, humid, and rank, nothing but a cracked window for ventilation. Paper towels were spilling out the trashcan beside them and onto the floor, where they were soaking up some of the gray water puddled under the sink. His flimsy compress quickly warmed, so he tossed it and gave Jared another, standing between his splayed legs to keep it pressed to his forehead.

Jared's eyes remained closed for a long time, breathing deep and even. Eventually he opened them again and stared down at Jensen. The lurid yellow bathroom light played tricks with their color, Jensen suddenly had trouble telling the difference between pupil and iris. He was also suddenly very aware of how close they were.

"You feel better?" His lips were dry and he licked them.

Jared nodded. He sat up again and Jensen had to scramble back to avoid having their chests brush up against each other.

"Ready to go back out there?" He'd bummed some cigarettes tonight out of boredom and he could suddenly hear it, the roughness of his voice.

Jared shook his head and looked right at Jensen. "I think I want to go."

Jensen swallowed. "Want me to drive you home?"

"Yeah."

It felt like it took half a year to get out into the parking lot. He just kept tugging and pushing at Jared every time he got stuck with a group of people, kept apologizing to them when they whined that he was taking Jared home but promising that it was for the best.

He put a hand on Jared's shoulder as he bent to fit into Jensen's car, making sure he didn't hit his head on the door. Jared pressed his face to the cool window and closed his eyes.

They got on the highway and Jensen assumed Jared had passed out. He started to veer off to the right when Jared said quietly, "Where are you going?"

"I'm taking you home."

Jared shook his head obstinately, like a child told he really did have to go to school. "I don't want to go home."

"Okay," Jensen said, humoring him. "You want to get tacos or something?"

"No, can I-" he huffed, breath clouding on the glass. "Can I just crash on your couch?"

Jensen looked over at him but Jared's eyes were closed and his body language was saying something but Jensen couldn't even begin to guess what. "Yeah," he said. He passed the exit and went on. "Yeah, that's fine."

They parked outside Jensen's apartment and Jared followed him quietly up the stairs. Jensen's heart was pounding and he told it to stop. He was going to do something stupid if it didn't stop but it wouldn't listen. He flicked on the light as he came in and Dinah twined around his legs, nearly tripping him. He didn't feel like dealing with her and even though it would just be reinforcing begging, he put a little kibble in her bowl in the kitchen to keep her occupied. He filled a tall glass with ice and water and took it out to Jared.

Jared was still standing at the door, hands in his pockets.

"Drink this," Jensen said, pressing the glass against Jared's chest.

Jared's hand came over Jensen's, sandwiching it firmly between the cool moisture of the glass and muggy clamminess of Jared's palm. Jensen looked up at Jared's face, it was on the tip of his tongue to ask if Jared and Sandy had fought, the only explanation he could think of for Jared's sudden strangeness.

Jared slid his fingers over Jensen's and took the glass, his throat working as he drained it. Jensen stared openly, lips parted, but he caught it before Jared could finish drinking. He shook himself and went to toe his boots off by the door. He thought about what he'd need to find to get Jared set up on the couch: pillow, blanket, another glass of water.

He felt Jared behind him, knew that Jared was reaching out to him just before the touch landed on his shoulder. He turned his head, meaning to ask again if everything was all right even though he'd been watching Jared since he walked into the bar and never saw a thing to make him think something bad had happened. He opened his mouth but was struck dumb again, just like the first time he saw Jared. He was supposed to be used to it but this was new, something- until now- unseen. This was Jared looming over him, quiet and dark-eyed, and Jensen's mouth went dry.

"Jared-" he said, meaning to finish it any number of ways. He didn't get the chance because Jared's hand slid up from Jensen's shoulder to his chin and tilted Jensen's face up to a better angle for a kiss.

Jared's mouth preceded his body by a few seconds and for that time it was a chaste kiss, just Jared's mouth on his, hardly any pressure at all. It was a kiss bordering on unsure, on maybe. Then Jared's body followed through, turning Jensen the whole way around and pressing him back against the wall beside the door. Jensen couldn't think and didn't try to. He just lost his hands into Jared's hair and tipped his head a little to make it better, to align their mouths more perfectly.

Jared fit their bodies together from the shoulder to the knee and opened Jensen's mouth to his. He kept grabbing at Jensen but his hands wouldn't settle. He pressed his palms to Jensen's face, moved them down to tug at his waist, grabbed his biceps and squeezed. They kissed, deep and searching until Jensen realized that Jared seemed to have no idea where they were going with this, that Jared would be content to just to hold Jensen to the wall with his hips and drive him crazy with obscene, pornographic kisses that lead nowhere.

He freed his hands from Jared's hair and put them on Jared's shoulders. He thought about the broad expanse of Jared's chest and getting it naked, he thought about pushing Jared away. Jared seemed to sense it, the push starting behind Jensen's open palms, and responded with a flat out no in the form of taking Jensen's hips and pulling them firmly forward, moving his mouth finally away from Jensen's and down to his neck.

Just like that he lost control. A moment ago, he might have been able to keep this from happening but now that ability belonged completely to Jared. Jensen's mouth opened, panted ragged breaths so loud they were almost moans as Jared used all of his mouth, lips, teeth, and tongue to taste the skin Jensen bared up to him, neck curved so far he could feel the thick cord of his throat protesting. When Jared tugged him away from the wall, Jensen went and didn't think about saying no.

He let Jared sprawl them out on the couch and did little more than receive the onslaught. When Jared kissed him, he opened his mouth. When Jared pushed the hem of his shirt up, Jensen lifted his arms and let him take it off. Only his hands were greedy, sliding up under Jared's shirt, taking in every detail of Jared's smooth skin over the muscles of his back, hot like a fever and damp with sweat.

His fingers kept coming to Jared's belt, resting on it, gripping it, hooking his fingers under it. He wanted nothing more than to remove that belt and swallow Jared's cock whole. He moaned into Jared's mouth, thinking about it, and Jared hummed back. He licked past Jensen's lips, a kiss so deep his jaw popped and Jensen sucked on Jared's tongue. Still it wasn't enough, nowhere near it. He was half out of his mind with kissing, with Jared's hips jerking quickly against his whenever they came close but shying away, never just pinning him to the couch and rolling down hard.

He sat up, keeping their mouths together as he pushed Jared up with him. He put his hands on Jared's belt buckle again. He was going to shove those jeans down Jared's thighs, get his cock free and spend days getting to know it. He'd have Jared keening every vowel sound and calling all the saints by the time he was done. He broke the kiss and rested his forehead on Jared's shoulder, watching his fingers as they slipped the silver prong from the worn leather.

"Fuck," Jared said, deep and husky. "Fuck."

Jensen shivered with pleasure to hear Jared like that and lifted his mouth to kiss him again, but Jared pulled away. "Fuck, Jensen. Wait."

It was as bad as a slap in the face or ice on the back of his neck. All the heat went right out of Jensen and he saw, clearly now, the look on Jared's face. He clenched his hands into fists but he couldn't quite move away.

"I can't. I'm sorry I-" He shifted back along the couch and buried his face in his hands. "I'm not this kind of guy."

Jensen fumbled for a moment to put together the mismatching pieces laid out in front of him, his shirt crumpled on the back of the couch, the hot, used feeling of his mouth and Jared's tense shoulders, the cold feeling collecting in Jensen's stomach. He didn't like the way they were fitting together.

"I can-" Jensen's voice was a rough whisper, kissed raw and squeezed hoarse with emotion. "I can get you a cab home."

"No," Jared moaned, petulant and drunk.

Jensen looked away from Jared out into the living room. Dinah was sitting on the TV looking at them and he stared back at her for a moment. Jared refused to move, to say anything, and so Jensen stood up and went to the hall closet, tugged down the extra blanket he had there.

When he came back into the living room, Jared had finally uncovered his face, he sat with his elbows on his knees, his hands hanging down between them, looking like he was facing his execution. Jensen felt something like anger rise up in him, he hadn't done anything to start this, and here he was being blamed. He'd never asked, never even hinted that he wanted this, and when it was given, given, he hadn't been strong enough to say no, but still this was all on Jared.

"Just sleep it off," he said tightly as he dropped the blanket down on the end of the couch. "We'll deal with this in the morning."

Jared didn't say anything and Jensen moved to turn off the kitchen light, went back to his bedroom, and shut the door. He took his shirt off and threw it against the wall, kicked off his jeans with a more force than really necessary and crawled into bed. He lay there, cursing everything, Jared for starting it, himself for going along, Sandy for leaving Jared behind, drunk and stupid. But for all his ire, he couldn't deny that was waiting, whole body on edge, for Jared to appear at the door, to say, "Wait, I want this, I want you." He fell asleep still foolishly hoping.

---

His alarm the next morning was louder and more shrill than any alarm, ever. Jensen fumbled blindly for a way to turn it off, slapping his hand down on all the buttons. If he didn't turn off the alarm it was going to kill him. Finally his fingers pushed the right combination of buttons and it went suddenly silent. Jensen flipped onto his back and just like that it came to him, all of last night. He stared up at the ceiling, white paint looking almost blue in the weak dawn light coming in from the window. Then he heard Dinah clawing at the carpet outside his door.

He got up slowly, found his jeans and put them on. He opened the door to his bedroom and listened. The apartment was silent except for the low hum of the refrigerator. He padded down the hall on the softest feet he could manage but when he came around the corner he saw it'd been pointless to worry about waking Jared up. He was gone. Jensen stared at the couch for a minute, then he went into the kitchen and peeled himself an orange for breakfast.

His mind fixated on peeling every last bit of pith he could from the flesh but even though his head was bent over the task, he was hardly aware of what he was doing, too caught up in remembering last night. His mind swung from the best things, the way Jared could almost fit Jensen's entire face in his hands, the slick heat of his mouth, how solid he'd felt against Jensen, to the worst, the look on his face after, the fact that he wasn't here.

He walked in the door twenty minutes late and Kristen looked up from her computer with a self-righteous smile that instantly disappeared when their eyes met.

"Jensen?"

He thought about telling her but it was too fresh, not even twelve hours. There was no way he'd make it through actually saying the words right now. He shook his head. "Later, okay?"

She took a breath to say something but he cut her off. "Later," he said again, commanding. Well, begging really. "I promise."

She nodded, letting the matter drop, but not doing a thing to hide her concern.

He disappeared on his lunch break, got in his car and drove to the nearest sandwich shop but he just sat there in the parking lot. He pulled out his phone and dialed Jared's number. By the third ring he knew that Jared wasn't going to answer but he sat there listening until Jared's voicemail kicked in. He didn't leave a message, and promised himself he wouldn't call again.

Back at the office he was too forceful with a woman about her overweight dog. She left in a huff and Jensen didn't think she'd be coming back, judging by the fact she slammed the door so hard it knocked the calendar off the wall.

"Jensen!" Kristen practically shouted, half shocked, half just trying to be heard over the barking the loud bang had kicked off in the kennels.

Jensen felt a flush creep up the back of his neck, suddenly embarrassed. "She was in total denial," he told Kristen, trying to defend himself even though he had an inkling it was futile. "I mean did you see that dog? It wasn't even a dog anymore, it was an ottoman. A giant ottoman. It could barely breathe."

"Jensen," Kristen said again, more gently.

"She's gonna kill him if she doesn't do something."

Kristen didn't seem to want to talk about the dog and Jensen didn't want to talk about anything else. "I'll be in my office. Let me know when Mrs. Poole gets here."

The rest of the day Jensen kept a tighter reign on himself and he finished the evening with a routine spay. He was leaving extended notes for the night caretaker, Arnoldo. He and Kristen wouldn't be coming in tomorrow and Arnoldo would be responsible for checking and feeding the overnighters.

Kristen locked the front door and came into his office. She sat down in the chair across from him and waited.

Jensen kept writing for as long as he could but when he reached the end of the page there wasn't anything to say that would warrant another sheet of paper. He capped his pen but didn't look up at Kristen.

"I'm seriously freaking out," Kristen said. "Do you have any idea how many doomsday scenarios I've been thinking up all day? Just tell me so I can stop trying to figure out who has cancer."

Jensen tried to say something but his voice was gone.

"Oh god, does someone really have cancer? Jesus Christ, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to joke-"

Jensen shook his head and cleared his throat. "No. No it's not that."

Kristen relaxed again into the chair. She waited another moment before prompting him again. "Okay, then what?"

Jensen laid it out for her, plowed through it like ripping off a band-aid, and never once looked up to see her reaction. When he was done, he waited, hands clenched.

Kristen leaned across the desk and put her slender hand on his, squeezing it tightly. He finally looked up, and she told him, firmly, "It's gonna be okay, you know that, right?"

"Yeah," Jensen said. She patted his hand and sat back down.

Honestly, he did not for a second believe her.

---

The worst of it burned itself out in just a few days. The time delay between someone asking him a question and him realizing he was expected to answer got shorter and the number of hours he lay awake in bed at night dwindled down to just one or two. Work helped and he threw himself into it in a way he never had before. The number of clients started growing, and he was surprised to find that he liked it, being so busy. There were times he looked up and realized he'd managed not think about Jared for an entire afternoon. It was getting to the point where Kristen almost believed him when he said that he was fine.

Two days before Fifi's monthly appointment, the appointment that would bring Jensen's bet with Kristen up to two-fifty, Kristen got a call from Mrs. Henderson.

Jensen was busy talking with a client, insisting that even though her dog had eaten chocolate, he would be fine. The amount of chocolate in a bag of M&Ms might give a greyhound indigestion but it wasn't going to kill him. He got her out of the door only by giving her an emergency contact number in case, at any point in the night, the dog finally started looking anything other than pleased with himself.

He shut the door behind her and turned to Kristen who was just hanging up.

"Mrs. Henderson need to reschedule?"

Kristen sighed and shook her head. "No. Fifi finally passed. Said she woke up this morning and tried to get her up but she was already gone. Poor thing," she said, crossing her arms. "She was just a wreck over the phone."

She looked up from the phone finally and whatever else she was about to say suddenly died. "Jensen?"

"I uh-" He cleared his throat. "I'll be in my office, okay?"

"Yeah," she said, clearly thrown off guard. "Are you-"

Jensen didn't stop walking towards his office. "I'm fine."

He shut the door and leaned against it. It was clearly stress. It was evidence that he'd been working too hard. It was the dumbest thing. He pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes, hardly believing that there were tears welling there. He'd known that damn dog wasn't going to make it much longer but now it seemed so ridiculously tragic. Mrs. Henderson was in her eighties, her husband and other family were mostly dead. Her children and grandchildren lived in Arizona and she didn't see them often. Fifi, Lucy, had been her only companion and it was just sad.

He dropped his hands and took a deep breath. And another. He tried to think of something that would make him feel better about this but instead he was struck with the insane urge to call Jared. He'd told Jared all about Fifi and Jared had always evinced this strong sympathy for her and Mrs. Henderson.

"I'll be like that," Jared had said. "I'll be the person that gets their dog chemo and God knows what else. You'll give my dogs chemo if they get cancer, won't you, Jensen?"

If he and Jared were still talking, Jensen could have called him, could have just said, "I found out Fifi died," and Jared would have sounded so concerned on the other line. He would have taken Jensen out for a drink and let him talk before turning the conversation to something silly and funny and completely unrelated to anything sad. He would have put his hands on Jensen, a concerned grip on the shoulder, a playful shove to the center of his chest, a hearty slap on his knee. By the end of the night, Jensen would have felt better.

If he and Jared were still talking, he wouldn't have had to go to bed that night feeling so worn-out and empty.

---

At the office, the whole week geared up towards Saturday. Mondays were slow, short days for the appointments that just couldn't wait until Tuesday. The middle of the week was just routine, with a few surprises thrown in, by Friday you got as many as three people in the waiting room, and Saturday generally had people waiting outside the door in the morning to be let in. Jensen dreaded Saturdays, they were loud and fast paced and filled with a hundred different names and faces. By the end of the day he was snappish and zoned and not exactly firing on all cylinders.

He dug his fists into his poor, abused back and groaned. "God, Kristen, what else today?"

"Just one more appointment. Someone's bringing in a dog they found."

Jensen sighed sourly. "He can't just take it the Humane Society himself? I'm going to have to make a special trip tomorrow."

Kristen shrugged. "No good deed goes unpunished."

He eyed her. She seemed perky and that was generally never a good thing. She stared coolly back at him but her scrubs, bunnies, hearts, and possibly rainbows, were sort of ruining her attempt to look tough.

Jensen just rolled his eyes. "Whatever, tell me when the good Samaritan gets here."

He started towards the back room but the bell jingled at the door. He sighed, squared his shoulders, and tried to look less cranky.

It was Jared. Jensen's heart did a full-on lurch because it couldn't be. Why would it be? But it was Jared, standing at the door in jeans and a white button down. His big shoulders were hunched awkwardly as if he felt uncomfortable at the bluntness of Jensen's shocked stare. He kind of looked like he was going to be sick but was trying to smile anyway.

A chocolate lab-mix pup a few months old was at his side, straining on a leash. Jensen looked down at it and then over at Kristen. She did not seem nearly surprised enough. Jensen shook his head in disbelief. He'd been set up.

"I uh-" Jared said, ducking his head down. The puppy at his feet started barking, startling them both. Jensen looked down at it and it barked again, oblivious and friendly, excited to be in a new place.

"Hey there, precious!" Kristen cooed. She took the lead from Jared and the dog stood on his hind legs to greet her. "Come on fella, let's get you something to eat and leave these two to talk. Does that sound like fun? Yes, it does!"

She disappeared into the back room.

Jared coughed. "Jensen, I-"

"What are you doing here?" He didn't want some polite apology, some awkward let's be friends. It wasn't fair that Jared got to keep doing this to him, coming into his life and screwing everything up.

"I was driving home from work and I saw him in the street, and-"

Jensen shook his head. "I'm not talking about the fucking dog. You could have taken him anywhere. What do you want?"

Jared scrunched his nose in that way he did when he found something difficult to say. "Actually, I've been trying to figure that out," he said, voice soft after Jensen's own half-frantic bellowing.

"God." Jensen groaned. Hadn't he done this enough in college? "You want absolution? Want me to tell you that lots of guys get confused and think they want to experiment only to find out that they're really, actually a hundred percent straight?"

"You're being mean," Jared told him, quiet and gentle, the kind of voice you use on a scared animal and Jensen did not feel like being patronized.

"Well, I am mean."

"No, you're not." He shook his head. "You think you're this person. You think you're unhappy and a failure, but you're not."

"I'm not unhappy?" Jensen asked, hardly believing Jared had said it. "Do you have any freaking idea how miserable I've been since-" Shit. He'd meant that to be more of an argument, but the second it left his mouth he realized it was too much, too honest. He snapped his mouth shut and turned his face from Jared.

"I'm sorry. Jensen, really I’m sorry."

"Fine." Jensen didn't look at him. "I forgive you. Will you go now?"

Jared didn't go. In fact he took a few steps toward him. Jensen's whole body tensed at his approach, stopping Jared in his tracks. He sighed. "This isn't going how I planned."

Jensen gave Jared a look meant to express just how little sympathy he felt for him. "And what did you plan?"

Jared shrugged and made a face. "Sweeping music? A show-stopping kiss?"

Jensen could hear the words clearly enough but couldn't make sense of them. "What?"

"I came here to tell you I'm in love with you."

"You did not," Jensen breathed. None of this made a damn bit of sense. Any moment Jared would be saying "Gotcha!" and running away, laughing.

Jared laughed and came closer. "I did."

Jensen shook his head, "What about the dog?"

Jared shrugged. "Fate telling me it was time to get over here? I was... having a hard time psyching myself up for it, honestly."

Jensen shook his head again, he'd had a minute to live with the concept that Jared came to say 'I love you,' but it still didn't make any sense. "I don't understand. What about-" he really should just shut up, but he couldn't. "What about Sandy?"

Jared took a deep breath, "We broke up."

"You..." Jensen sighed. Jensen had made the mistake of fooling around with a straight guy or two before but none of them had ever thought it reason enough to do something like that. "You didn't have to do that. It was just-"

"No, you don't get it." Jared came closer and Jensen looked up at him. "Ever since I got back from California, I've let people tell me how things were going to be. I didn't know what I wanted to do, but my parents told me, 'go to UT.' I didn't know what I wanted to study, but my advisor told me, 'study Engineering.' Everything was like that. Grad school, my job, everything."

"What? Even Sandy?"

"No," Jared said. His eyes dropped down to the floor. "No. I was in love with her, but... I guess I stopped and didn't realize it. Or people told me I'd get over it and started asking me when we would set the date and I went along with it, like everything else. And it was easy," Jared shrugged. "I got the grades and got the job and stayed with Sandy and because it was all so easy I thought it was right. That it was what I should be doing, just like everybody said. But." He smiled softly to himself. Jensen hadn't ever seen him smile like that, and in spite of himself, he took in its every detail.

"I met you," Jared went on. "And I didn't want to do it anymore. All the things I was supposed to be doing, supposed to be wanting, just became stuff that kept me from seeing you. I didn't want to study, I didn't want to graduate, and-" He exhaled a long, tired breath, and looked up at Jensen. "I didn't want to get engaged. For a few months there, all I ever did was look for an excuse to talk to you, to see you."

It had been his anger keeping him together and suddenly it was gone. He felt weak, any minute now he was going to have to sit down. "Then why did you-" He looked Jared in the eye, "Why did you leave that night? Why didn't you come talk to me?"

Jared shifted on his feet, uncomfortable again. "You don't know?"

Jensen could easily guess and had been coming up with various scenarios since the morning after. Jared was young, he was scared, he was in a relationship, but Jensen wanted to her Jared say it. "You tell me."

"I couldn't-" Jared huffed, wearily. "I couldn't cheat on Sandy. It was... I wanted it so bad but it wasn't right."

"And it took you more than a month break things off?"

"No, there was other stuff I had to do. Move out of our apartment, tell my parents-"

"You told your parents?" Jensen was really going to have to sit down. This was the very definition of too much to take in.

Jared nodded, laughing a bit humorlessly. "Yeah. They think I've gone insane, or that I'm playing some elaborate prank of them, but they'll come around."

Jensen shook his head. "I can't believe you told your parents. Even I haven't done that."

Jared smiled and finally reached out to him. He took the sleeve of Jensen's lab coat in his fingers but he didn't pull. He just held onto it and Jensen let him. "Do we have to keep talking or can I kiss you now?"

Jensen felt like he couldn't breathe. Or maybe it was that he was breathing too fast. At any rate there was definitely a problem with the amount of oxygen his brain was getting because all he could do was stare up at Jared's face.

Jared bent down, just an inch, bringing their mouths closer to each other. Both their lips parted and their breath mingled hotly between them. "Jensen?"

Jensen didn't answer but he did put his put his hands on Jared's face and pull him down those last two inches. Jared exhaled a long, satisfied breath through his nose and wrapped his arms around the small of Jensen's back. Jensen could only imagine how cheap Hollywood rom-com they looked, Jensen with his arms thrown around Jared's neck, his head bent back so that Jared could kiss him without having to bend his knees. He could feel the extreme curve of his spine as Jared pulled Jensen flush against him.

It was cheesy. Unforgivably so. Kisses were never like this. Not once in his entire life had Jensen ever been kissed like this, and but Jared kept on doing it and Jensen was perfectly fine with that. Jared broke away eventually and laughed, shaky and happy, when Jensen chased his mouth. He visited two more brief pecks down on Jensen's lips and Jensen surged against them, shamelessly trying to drag Jared back into another deep kiss.

It was Kristen clearing her throat that finally reminded Jensen that there were other things in the world than Jared's mouth. He turned his head to look at her but his body refused to move away from Jared and one hand stayed curled against the back of Jared's neck.

"You guys can totally make out here if you want," she said, grinning so big it looked like her face hurt. "But if you want to, you know, take this elsewhere, I can lock up."

Jared looked at Jensen for the answer Jensen thought was pretty damn obvious. He took one of Jared's broad hands in his and pulled him right out the front door.

He looked for Jared's truck in the parking lot but didn't see it.

"Where's-"

"Sold it," Jared answered before Jensen could even finish asking.

"Sold it? Why?"

Jared shook his head. "I'll tell you later. I just- can we get out of here?" He leveled a look at Jensen that somehow gave him goosebumps even in the hot, dry air of summer.

"Yeah," Jensen said, breathless like he'd just run a mile. They went to his car and he drove them to his place, hardly aware that there were even other cars on the road. When Jared put a hand on his knee, cupping the ball of it in his palm, he couldn't hide what that did to him at all. It wasn't in Jared's nature to just let it slide, once he figured out how to get a rise out of someone (so to speak) he was going to push the limit until something happened.

Jared started sliding his hand up just a little, rubbing it up Jensen's thigh and down again. Jensen stared straight ahead and concentrated on not swallowing his tongue.

"The light's green."

"Huh?" he asked, looking over at Jared in the passengers seat.

Jared nodded at something ahead of them. "The light. It's green."

Jensen looked up and when the car behind him honked he realized that meant he was supposed to be accelerating. He did so with sudden gusto and Jared laughed, leaning into Jensen's wild, hurried turns.

He felt a brief flash back to the night of Jared's graduation as they thundered up the metal stairs to his door, feet falling flat against the steps in their haste. It shook him, thinking about that night, but he reminded himself instead of all the ways this was different. Broad daylight, for one, both of them stone cold sober, for another. There was more to it though, like their fingers laced together in full view of the neighbor smoking outside on her balcony and pretending not to watch and Jared pressing up against his back as he fumbled with the keys. Little things that kept signifying again and again that this was a choice, a plan, this was what Jared really wanted.

Dinah greeted them with the usual expectant whining for food but Jensen couldn't really pay her any attention, not with Jared coming at him, smile soft and intimate. He moved down for a kiss and Jensen's only thought was, irrationally, 'I'm not going to survive this.' He could see that plain as day, if Jared left him again, he'd be finished.

It scared the shit out of him and he hid from Jared's kiss.

"What is it?" Jared asked him, not moving away or pulling back at all. He was solid and warm and persistent against Jensen and all he wanted to do was melt into him.

"I don't know if I can get over you again," Jensen said, quiet and ashamed. He was going to screw this up before it even got started.

Jared just smiled at that, a 'gosh, isn't that sweet' smile. He bent down again for that interrupted kiss and Jensen shook his head.

"I'm serious." He tried to pull away but Jared took his hips in his hands and held him.

"What do you want me to do, Jensen? I already broke up with Sandy and told everybody why. I already told you that I love you, which you didn't say back by the way."

Jensen shot him a look that said just how pointless that particular guilt trip was. He was so in love with Jared he couldn't even breathe, but- "You didn't tell me, though. For weeks I thought you-" He took a deep breath, "I called you and you didn't answer."

"I didn't know what to say yet."

"I thought you didn't want me."

"I'm sorry." Jared pressed his lips to Jensen's temple and Jensen couldn't stop his eyes from shutting, his shoulders from just barely relaxing. "I can't help it. I only know how to do one thing at a time and there was a lot I had to do. I had to know. I didn't want to ask you for this and then fuck everything up by being wrong." He pulled back and looked Jensen in the eye, "If I ever do it again, you have permission now to hunt me down and beat some sense in me."

Jensen smiled but it was weak and unsure. "And if I don't?"

"Then you'll have to put up with me howling like a dog at your front step when I come to my senses."

Jensen laughed, meaning it this time, but still distracted. He felt like a house of cards, one wrong move, one wrong word, hell even a wrong breath would utterly destroy him. Jared pulled Jensen close and rubbed their lips together, just a whisper, the barest touch of skin to skin, allowing all those sparks and electricity to pass between them along with one timid question.

Jensen sealed their mouths together and answered it. He felt surer on his feet than anytime they'd kissed before, like he finally believed that this was really happening. Jared relinquished control freely, let Jensen set their pace. He started them at a slow, stop and smell the roses amble, kissing Jared like he had all the time in the world. Jensen could feel Jared smile against his lips at odd times, like he couldn't help but be amused by some stray thought in his inner monologue, and it almost bothered him. This was very serious business, he wanted to say. He was going to be doing this, kissing Jared, for the rest of his life. But Jared's smiles were always contagious and he found himself doing it, too.

He pressed his lips harder against Jared's to hide it, worked his tongue deeper into Jared's mouth. He broke away, panting, and realized their gentle stroll had become an all out run, which reminded Jensen that he'd never really been the type to take it slow. He'd heard it mentioned that the third date was supposed to be some sort of agreed upon start, but if he squinted he could three or four times he and Jared hung out that could retroactively count as dates.

"Come on," he said, pulling Jared back towards the bedroom.

Dinah thought this might be a good time to do some more insistent begging but Jensen just tripped on her, nearly stepping on her tail and sending her streaking off into a corner.

They were still laughing when they stepped past the threshold, out of the hallway and into Jensen's bedroom. It died away when Jensen shut the door, leaving them in silence and three feet apart.

It seemed so hard to reach out and touch Jared when just a moment ago they'd been wrapped up in each other, woven together tight like a knot. Jensen could see some faltering or hesitation on Jared's face and wondered if maybe he was pushing Jared too fast.

He was just about to say something about there being no pressure where Jared took two big strides across the room and kissed him again. From zero to sixty in no time flat and Jensen stopped worrying about going too fast. He moved them back towards the bed, kissed and pushed and shoved at Jared till he half fell on it, sitting down hard enough to make the springs pop.

Jensen knelt on the floor at the end of the bed before Jared could start scooting back toward the headboard. He pressed his face into Jared's neck, licked and sucked at the skin there and found it so delicious he couldn't stop himself from nipping it at it, sharp, with his teeth. Jared's head fell back and his knees opened. Jensen settled himself between them and started opening Jared's shirt. He came down with a temporary ADD, jumping randomly from one task to another, mouthing Jared's neck, kissing his mouth red, fighting with the small, stubborn buttons of his shirt, and touching every new inch of Jared's body that he exposed.

It wasn't until his hands came to Jared's belt buckle that he felt everything come into focus. He looked up at Jared's face again and saw nothing but wanting. He smoothed his hand up Jared's stomach, pushing him down on his back gently, and wolfed down the sight with lidded, hungry eyes. The clink of the belt buckle rang over the sound of their rough breathing and he could see the outline of Jared's cock, straining up against heavy denim.

He hooked his fingers into the waistband of Jared's boxers and pulled them off along with the jeans. He wasn't going to do any of this in half steps. Couldn't really, he wanted this so bad he couldn't see straight. Jared lifted his hips and his erection popped free of his clothes, curved up long and thick onto his belly. Jensen hadn't doubted for a second that it would be perfect and it was.

He rubbed his palm flat against the underside. "Beautiful," he said, taking it in hand. "Fucking gorgeous." Half pillow talk and half honest appreciation for the weight and thickness of it, the velvety skin on the head, the veins all along the shaft, and the solid hardness beneath them.

Jared was decent enough to play bashful but Jensen didn't really care if Jared was coy or not. He could be as arrogant as he wanted to be about this, tell Jensen anything and everything about how he was going to give it to him, how Jensen was going to take it and Jensen would just nod his head and say, "please, yes."

As it was, it was sweet when Jared gasped, tight and surprised, when Jensen curved his whole body down to take it in his mouth. He'd do the full performance later, complete with warm up, magic show, and intermission, but now, now he just wanted this, rubbing his mouth raw on Jared's magnificent cock. He held Jared's hips still while he remembered all the finer points of breathing his throat full and open. Jared groaned, the sound low and reverberant in his chest, when Jensen set an enthusiastic rhythm, fist pulling at the base in a counterpoint to the slide of his mouth.

Jared slid his palm over the short buzz of hair on the back of Jensen's neck. "Fuck, Jensen." His hips stuttered, thrust forward and shied back. His hands moved to Jensen's shoulders, made like to push him off.

It was all Jensen could do not to roll his eyes. He took his hand off Jared's cock, slid his mouth down easy and then up, long, hard and slow, milking a whine right out of Jared's throat. Then he did it again, because this, Jared coming apart in his mouth, was exactly what he pushing for. He wanted it so bad he had to press the heel of his hand down hard on his zipper to keep his cock from leaking any harder.

Jared's stomach curled up a bit and his hips moved enough that Jensen had to change his position. He glanced up to see Jared braced up on one elbow, thighs spread wide to fit Jensen between them. His eyes were on Jensen, taking in the wicked, sexy picture they made: him on his knees and fully clothed, Jared spread out with one big hand spread on the back of Jensen's head. Jensen put his palms flat on the bed on either side of Jared's hips and opened his throat as far as it would let him.

Jared thrust forward, slow and careful, feeling out the limits of Jensen's mouth. "Jesus," he gasped, doing it again. Jensen could only moan blissfully in response to the sour-sweet taste of precome spreading on his tongue.

It wasn't very long after that, Jared had been holding himself too tight and the moment he let himself go, it just went off. Three or four desperate snaps of his hips and Jensen was swallowing, over and over, while Jared shook and spent himself. He didn't pull off until Jared was completely still beneath him and when he did it was another long drag up that had Jared bucking up weakly and honest to god whimpering.

Jensen wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and felt supremely, marvelously satisfied. He stood up to go his bathroom, grab a glass of water but Jared caught his wrist and pulled him down to the bed so quickly he let out a "whumph!" of surprise. Half-sprawled across Jared, he found himself being thoroughly, vigorously kissed. He balked, trying to pull away, but Jared held him firm and they kissed until Jared's taste lingered only in the very back of his throat.

Jared broke away and stared down at Jensen with a blissed out smile and half-lidded eyes. "Dude," he said, suddenly laughing and looking down between them. "You didn't even get my socks off."

He sat up to tug his jeans all the way off and peeled off his socks. Jensen refrained from making the really obvious, 'Because I was too busy getting your rocks off' joke and he was very proud of himself for it.

"Why are you still wearing clothes?" Jared rolled over, heavy body coming down on Jensen and Jensen pressed up against the weight, testing. He could no more throw Jared off than he could bench two-fifty but it wasn't fear at all that he felt when Jared cast a shadow over him and said, "get them off," in a tone that made it plain he meant now.

He slid his hands up Jared's back and thrilled to the feel of muscle beneath them. Jared was huge and strong and when he looked down at Jensen the lust-clouded look on his face broke into something like barely restrained glee. Jensen couldn't think of anything he wanted more than that body and that face put to work on him.

Luckily, Jared didn't have to be asked. He pushed his hands up Jensen's scrubs and dragged them up and up and until Jensen sat up a little, crossed his arms over his chest and took them off. He was still tugging when Jared tucked his fingers under Jensen's waistband, and cupped his hipbone. Jensen paused, momentarily derailed, before coming back to himself and shrugging his shirt off completely.

Jared rocked back onto his ankles, put his hands on Jensen's sides, and slid them down. Jensen wasn't usually self-conscious about being undressed, well usually he was drunk, but most of the time he just never gave it much thought. But this was Jared and he hadn't been looked at this carefully in a long time. Jared's gaze swept down his body and up again, and Jensen kicked his scrubs off the rest of the way, feeling completely ungainly and not at all sexy as he did it. He moved to slide up the bed towards the pillows, put his hands behind him and arched his back, and Jared was suddenly on him again.

It was like being feasted upon, devoured. Jared's mouth took his and his hands covered wide swaths of Jensen's body before he could really process what was happening. The hot, thin skin stretched across Jared's hip bone brushed against his cock and reminded Jensen pretty quickly of just how bad he wanted to come. He thrust up against Jared's long thigh, once hard to take the edge off and then again more gently. He dragged the head of his cock in the sweat-damp groove where Jared's hip met his torso and moaned.

Jared pulled away, obviously startled. Jensen's stomach clenched, so fucking scared that the fall out was going to happen now, that everything up until this point was just a good show of Jared trying to handle it. Jensen sat up on his elbows, ready to say anything to soothe him. It was scary, it was new, and Jensen wasn't going to make him do anything he couldn't handle. He opened his mouth to say things all that and anything else, when Jared put his palm right in the center of Jensen's chest. Jensen blinked down at it, confused but when he looked up the anxious expression on Jared's face was gone, replaced with bald-faced affection and desire.

The hand on his chest, Jensen realized, was Jared trying to soothe him. Jared moved his hand, slid it low over Jensen's belly, down his hip, up his thigh everywhere except where Jensen wanted it most. He stared down at Jensen, so hard his gaze was almost as tactile as his fingers, watching his hands moving across Jensen's body until he was trembling with the effort not to push, not to demand. Jensen was ready to scream in frustration, or at the very least take matters in his own hand, when finally, finally, Jared bit his lip bashfully and wrapped his fingers around Jensen's dick.

"Shit," Jensen hissed, hips jumping up into that touch. "God-damned fuck." He couldn't talk dirty, not really, couldn't think of anything when he was hot except a long string of nonsensical curse words. It was kind of embarrassing.

Jared laughed at him, real quiet. He tucked his face against Jensen's shoulder and pulled more profanity from his lips with the movement of his fist. He wasn't exactly a pro at this but he worked at Jensen with a dogged tenacity until he was gasping, mouth open against Jared's, hips moving up to meet Jared's strokes down.

"Jared. Fuck, oh god, fuck," Jensen moaned. His climax rose up fast, faster than he could even try to cope with. He thumped Jared's shoulder but Jared only picked up the pace. Jensen fisted his hand in Jared's hair, recklessly, and the only rebuff he got was Jared's hand going tight enough to wring the orgasm right out of him in two, three strokes.

He shuddered and Jared cupped his palm over to catch it, kissing happily at Jensen's slack mouth. Jensen used the very last of his strength to kiss him back fiercely, one more deep, wet kiss that was all teeth and tongue before he collapsed, deliciously exhausted, to the bed. Jared reached back with one long arm to the corner of the bed of wiped his hand, a habit Jensen would have to break him of quick. Right now, though, it didn't seem to matter much, because Jared laid back down beside him, pulling Jensen resolutely against his chest. Jensen hid his face for a while, cheek pressed flat against Jared's broad, smooth shoulder, breathing deep as he came down.

When he finally did dare to look up, Jared beamed at him. His hair was wild, damp and messy from sweat and Jensen's fingers. Jensen laughed fondly, and tried to smooth it, but Jared just kissed him again.

"That was fucking awesome," he said after, as if Jensen didn't already know.

---

They dozed, never really sleeping, but not talking either. Sometimes they shut their eyes, sometimes they stared off into some undefined space and sometimes they looked, wonderingly, at each other. Jensen couldn't help but keep reaching out, his fingertips on Jared's skin reverent and only occasionally mischievous. He held out as long as he could before giving into his bladder's increasingly urgent demands, knowing that once he disappeared into the bathroom and came out again the spell of comfortable silence would be broken and they would have to talk.

Not like he had any other options, though. He did just that and before getting back in bed he found his boxers and pulled them on. He hated talking about important stuff while naked. It felt so ridiculous.

Jared seemed to have no such qualms. He looked Jensen in the eye, not a stitch of clothing on him and told him, "you still haven't said it."

Jensen couldn't help but play dumb. "Said what?"

Jared pursed his lips like he tasted something sour. Jensen sighed and sat down cross-legged on the bed, as close as he could be to Jared without touching him. "Can you really blame me for being gun shy?"

Jared took a breath in and let it out in a huff. "It's not that, I guess. I just. I want to know what you're scared of. I want to know what I'm dealing with."

He put his hand on Jensen's thigh, just placed it there over his knee when he tried to look away. "What if all this isn't as good as what you had?" Jensen finally asked.

Jared's shoulders dropped. "That's what this is about?"

"What would you think if you were me? You had this perfect life, this perfect plan and I'm glad, amazed really, you chose me, but I still kind of feel like a bastard for fucking it up. I don't want you to regret this but I can't see how you won't when you start to see your friends with all the things you could have had."

"And what is it I'm giving up?"

"Everything? The wife, the house, the two point five kids." He was sort of horrified at himself for going on about it. The last thing he wanted was for Jared to decide that this, them, wasn't worth giving it all up and here Jensen was telling basically telling him exactly that.

"I told you I don't want that."

Jensen rolled his eyes, angry with Jared for being so obtuse. "Really? That's all I ever wanted."

"You know, I don't think really you did."

It almost made him angry, that Jared thought he could make such sweeping statements about who Jensen was and what he wanted. He opened his mouth to say so but Jared just kept right on talking. "You bitch and moan about being a vet, but you're good at it. You act like all you want is to live the American dream, but why? You really think that'll make you happy?"

Jensen refused to answer him.

Jared sighed. "You act like you never wanted any of this, like something was taken away from you, but you never say that anyone made you do it. To hear you tell it, Jensen, it just... didn't happen."

"What are you trying to say?"

"I'm trying to say that maybe you'd be happy if you just tried being happy."

Jensen groaned. "You are too young and too naked to be acting like my therapist."

Jared laughed and flopped back down on the bed. "Shut up. I’m still right."

Maybe he was, and maybe he wasn't, but either way Jensen wasn't going to give him the satisfaction of admitting it.

"So?" Jared asked.

"So?" Jensen asked back.

"So what now?"

Jensen thought about that and while he thought his hand rubbed down Jared's stomach. "I don't know. I want you. I want this to be permanent and exclusive and I don't think I want to take it slow."

Jared smiled. "I think I'm fine with that."

"I... I don't think I want to live in San Antonio anymore." It was scarier to admit that, even worse than coming out and saying that he wanted to jump head first into a serious relationship.

Jared stuck his lips out like a duck, his default face for when he was pretending to seriously consider something. "Okay."

"Okay?"

"Yeah," Jared said, shrugging. "Wait, you didn't want to move back to Dallas, did you?"

Jensen blinked. He hadn't really thought about where but Dallas was a definite no and he told Jared as much.

"Good, because Dallas sucks."

"Jared," Jokes were all well and good, but it wasn't going to be funny for very long.

"It does!"

"You can't just move because I want to. What about your job and everything?" Jesus. He was going to have to stop this, he realized, this arguing against himself.

Some secret smile quirked Jared's lips. "Dude, why do you think I sold my truck?"

"Huh?" He hadn't thought about Jared's truck once since they got into Jensen's car and drove away from the office.

"I quit," Jared said, as gleefully as if he'd just admitted to dropping a cherry bomb in a public toilet. "Before I even started. I didn't work one single day as an engineer. In fact, I think I want to try acting again."

"Oh." Jensen thought about that for a while, too. "I wish you'd told me that before."

"Why?"

"It would have been nice to know the guy I'm in love with was an out of work actor that doesn't have a car."

Jared saw right through to the confession hidden in the joke. Jensen felt a flush creep up his neck but he met Jared's eyes evenly and didn't deny it.

Jared smiled and moved his hand up Jensen's thigh. "Yeah, well, sucks to be you."

It didn't though. Jensen laced his fingers into Jared's, and Jared pulled him firmly down. He stretched his body over Jared's and kissed him until two long arms locked around his waist, and that was a damn sight better than a white picket fence, than anything really.