Sunrise From Indigo
Out There: Joey
By skeabs

We're in a little room off the main sanctuary. My hands are shaking and I can't straighten my bow tie. You come up behind me and push my hands away, straightening it yourself, looking over my shoulder into the mirror to guide your movements. When the tie is straight, you clasp your arms in front of me, resting your cheek against mine.

"You going to be okay?"

I gulp, nodding. You smile, knowing that I'm lying. With your hands on my shoulders you turn me around so I'm facing you, looking into your eyes.

"She's ready for this. So are you. So am I. We've been ready for months."

"But she's… she's just…"

You laugh gently and swipe your thumbs under my eyes, catching tears that have already begun to form on my lower lashes. "Shhh. Stop. She loves him. She loves you. Nothing is going to change that."

I grab onto your waist, looking for a lifeline. "I know. It's just that she's going to be out there, with him. Where I'm not."

You smile. "You can't save everyone."

"But I want to save her."

You smile sadly, kissing me softly as the door opens and you're called to your seat. I leave to join Brianna. She stands next to me, laughing to cover her jitters. She's radiant in her white dress, the veil masking a nervousness that borders on fear.

I am terrified. My knees are weak and my stomach churns. I tell myself I couldn't have picked someone better for her. But it's her, my little girl. Twenty years gone now, how time flies.

Twenty years. There have been so many memories, so many firsts and lasts. So many new beginnings and chapters of life forever ended. So many different emotions and I don't know what to feel anymore.

Brianna and I take our places in the back of the church and I can see you, in the front pew, looking back at us.

She wanted us both to walk with her but you said no. You told us it wasn't right because I was her father and you were only "her father's husband." No amount of persuasion could convince you that she'd never thought of you that way.

Twenty years and you never did feel like you fit. She let you sit this one out, and made you promise her a father/daughter dance at the reception. Promises made and ideas of right and wrong firmly upheld.

Everyone's in place and the wedding march begins. I look over at my daughter, my little girl, and for one last moment I am the man in her life. For this one last walk, I will protect her. She leans in to kiss my cheek through her veil, whispering, "I love you Daddy" in my ear.

We begin the march, slowly down the aisle and as we near the front I look at her one last time before giving her up forever. She isn't looking at me. She's looking at him. I both love and hate this moment.

"Who gives this bride?"

Your hand reaches for mine and we say with one voice, "We do." That was part of her agreement too. Tears course down my face as I step back and relinquish my daughter's life to the care of another. We sit down. You arm is around my shoulders, one hand in mine. You kiss my wet cheek and tell me you love me. Twice in the last ten minutes I've been reassured of the love I've always depended on. Twice I will always believe. I smile through my tears and whisper a blessing to my little girl.

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