Sunrise From Indigo
Thank You: Lance
By Mariah

My stomach drops when the doorbell rings. I'm always a little nervous when Kelly comes over. It doesn't make any sense but I just can't help it. You roll your eyes as you come in from outside. I should have just answered the door since I was closest but I can't do it.

Once Kelly has been here for a while, I'll warm up to her. I always do. And I'm always warm to Brianna. She's a good kid. She's a lot like you. I always worry that she doesn't see you enough. I don't want her to lose any part of you. I like seeing you in her smile.

I can hear her giggle blend with your laugh as I sit down in a chair near the pool. I don't belong in there. I'm not really part of that family. It's not that you don't make me feel welcome, because you do. You all do. It's just the way I feel.

"Dad!"

She's headed straight for me, and my heart soars. It's the way I feel every time she calls me Dad. It's not something I can control. I can't believe the gift you gave me. You gave me love greater than I could ever imagine. You let me be a part of your daughter's life. Thank you for that gift.

I smile because I can't help it. It's like a reflex. I wasn't sure Brianna would ever understand her family situation. But kids are smart. I like being Dad.

"Don't run!" You're right on Brianna's heels as she walks as fast as she can across the deck.

"I'm not, Daddy!" I can't help but laugh as she skips the rest of the way over. She's right; she wasn't running.

"Hey kiddo, how are ya?" I do love her even if she's not really mine.

"I'm good. I brought some stuff to show you." Brianna can cheer me up on even the darkest day.

"You did?"

"Yeah," she says, dumping her backpack in my lap as you walk up with Kelly.

"Hey, Kell."

"Hey, Lance. How are you?" She smiles and it really makes a difference.

"Very good." And I am. The initial nerves have faded away.

"Lance, you're not looking!" Brianna always likes to be the center of attention. It's just another thing that reminds me of you.

"What did you bring?"

"I got a phone just like you have!"

The pink plastic Barbie cell phone is a nice accessory although I prefer something a little more technologically advanced. "That's great! Now we can call each other. You'll have to give me your number."

"Okay, remind me."

"I will."

Once Kelly leaves, it takes an hour or so to get Brianna settled in. But it's worth it when we're all settled around the pool. I love to watch you with her. Despite all of your worries, you are a wonderful father.

I wonder if you know how good you look when you're wet. The pool was a good addition. I like watching you swim over to where I sit on the edge.

"Hey."

"Hi." Your lips are cool from being the water. I'm happy to warm them up. "You look like you're having fun."

"We are."

"Good, I'm glad."

"You could play with us if you want."

"I'm okay. I like watching you." It's true. I like to just watch you. I could do it forever. "She's really learned how to swim well."

"I know. Kelly told me she was taking her to lessons." Your sigh tells me that you feel like you've missed out on another important moment. Before I can say anything, you bounce back. "Are you sure you don't want to come play?"

"I'm sure."

"Then can I have another kiss before I have to go play girly games again?"

Like you have to ever ask. "Of course." I give you your kiss. Short and sweet because you know we have a spectator.

"Daddy!"

I told you.

"Sorry." You smile sheepishly, like there was something to be embarrassed about.

"It's okay."

"Thanks for the kiss."

No, thank you. A kiss is the least I can do for you.

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